The War to End All Wars
by Weasley-Black.Inc
Summary: War is declared. A prank war, that is. The wizarding world will never be the same. PART ONE.
1. Chapter 1

It was an unusually sunny day in London, England. Even gloomy Grimmauld Place looked rather cheerful today. A pigeon fluttering down the road might think of how lovely everything was, how pretty everything looked today. Perhaps said pigeon would laugh, like everyone else who passed, at the mistake in numbering, and how 11 and 13 had no 12 in between them, and then with its silly little bird-brain, think cheerfully, _today is such a lovely day. Life-changing events will certainly not take place today!_

That pigeon would be a sorry mistaken pigeon and be forced to go to Remedial Pigeon School for the rest of its _life._

The inside of 12 Grimmauld Place did not in the faintest reflect the glorious day outside, particularly to a pair of redheaded twins. 

"Mum, we're _bored_," Fred Weasley was whining.

"There is nothing to do in this ancient house," George Weasley complained.

"That's enough!" Molly snapped. "This house is perfectly fine. You don't see Sirius complaining where his lives, do you now?"

"Well, Mum, he lives here. I'm sure he has done loads of complaining," Fred pointed out.

Molly gave him a look saying, _that's not the point. _The way the glare was addressed was rather terrifying, and could probably scare a pack of wolves. "Why don't you run along and find something to do? I am not an entertainer." Molly shooed them away from the kitchen.

"I thought parents _are _supposed to entertain their kids?" George mumbled to Fred.

"GEORGE WEASLEY!" Fred and George froze and then ran.

"CRASH!" Fred tripped over something, and broke it.

"George! Now look what you did!" Fred shouted at George who was laughing.

"I should've just let them stay here," muttered Molly.

"I can't believe you broke a hundred year old vase," George snickered as they were going up the stairs.

_Who's idea was it to have kids, anyway? _Molly thought.

"That was a hundred years old! I was not informed of this!" Fred looked nervous. Suddenly, they were stopped by the sound of Remus and Sirius in sharp discussion. They paused outside a door and listened.

"The Marauders need to stick together," Sirius's sharp voice came out.

"Or who are left of them," Remus's reply came.

Fred and George looked at each other as if saying, "What the what the h-e double celery sticks?" Without even thinking about it, they walked into the room.

"You are the Marauders?" Fred and George shouted together.

"No..." Sirius' face was white.

"Sirius, maybe we should-" Remus started to say.

"The Marauder's Map. Was that you who created it?" Fred asked. His eyes were huge, but a grin was sneaking onto his face.

"Uh-uh-uh...well-" Sirius hit Remus in the chest.

"Ouch! What was that for?" Remus rubbed his chest.

"You were our teacher and you didn't bring this up? The Marauders are who we owe everything to!" George exclaimed.

Sirius laughed.

"I still can't believe you were a teacher, Moony!"

"Well, how was I supposed to know you looked up to us?" Remus demanded. "Besides what did you want me to say? 'Oh by the way, Fred and George, I am a Marauder. Along with James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. Now get back to Banishing your Boggart'?"

"Besides I was supposed to be in Azkaban, and Pettigrew was _pretending _to be dead, and James _was_ dead," Sirius grumbled.

"James Potter _and_ Peter Pettigrew? We were not informed of this! Who is ruling this democracy?" Fred demanded.

"It's not a democracy, Fred." Remus gave him a weird look.

"You're the Marauders!" George shouted like it suddenly dawned on him.

"Yes, George we are the Marauders. Ta- Da!" Sirius said dully.

" But you're the _Marauders,_" repeated Fred, face growing pale with either glee or shock or both. 

"Yeah, and you guys are _twins_," Remus said in the same tone.

"Well that's _obvious,_" said George, as if explaining something to a two year old. "But you guys are the MARAUDERS!"

"And you didn't _tell us,_" said Fred, eyes like a wounded puppy.

George leaned over and whispered something in his brother's ear. Fred's eyes widened. "Great idea!" he shouted. He and Fred did a wand shake (tapped each other's wand twice, spun out and spun back in. It ended by spinning back in dueling mode and pointing their wands at each other.) and ran off.

Sirius turned his head slowly towards Remus.

"Should we be worried?" wondered Remus.

"Probably," said Sirius. "Probably."


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Fred and George ran out of the room, and went to go see where Ron was. Of course, he was with Hermione talking. They were suspiciously close to one another, and talking quietly and seriously.

"Hey, lovebirds," Fred smirked as he entered the room. Hermione moved away from Ron as quickly as possible, her face smoking red.

"What do you want?" Ron said, facing the floor, ears as red as Hermione's face.

"To see how you're doing," George said cheerfully.

"Uh-huh, like I'm your favorite brother," Ron said doubtfully.

"We don't have favorites," Fred dismissed. "Anyways, we have a bet for you."

"I have no intentions of agreeing to it though," said Ron cautiously.

"We bet you that you cannot drink as much water as George," Fred said proudly.

"Why do you care?" Ron asked.

" 'Cause we're bored," George shrugged.

"Fine, I'll do it, but I'm not very happy doing it." Ron crossed his arms over his chest.

"Great," Fred said casually, but grinning madly.

Hermione stared at Ron as he followed Fred and George out. She couldn't believe that Ron was agreeing to this stupid bet. Boys can be sooooo stupid sometimes. Ron couldn't see that this was all a prank? She tried to tell him, but he just denied it. DENIAL.

In the kitchen there were twelve filled bottles of water. There were extras if they finished the first twelve.

George looked ready, he was going to let Ron win on purpose.

"This is going to be too perfect!" George whispered in Fred's ear. He nodded, and took his spot in the corner of the kitchen.

"Ready?" Fred asked. Ron and George nodded. "Chug!" they each grabbed a bottle and starting drinking. It wasn't before long when Ron started to dance.

"I...need...to...use...the bathroom." Ron choked out between gulps.

"Sorry, Ron. If you are going to do that, you would need to forfeit the bet." Fred shook his head.

Ron looked like he was about to _go_ in his pants any minute.

"I forfeit!" Ron slammed the bottle down on the counter and ran upstairs to the bathroom. Fred and George ran after him to make sure he used the right bathroom. They beat him to it.

They stood by the door waiting for Ron to come, they thought he got lost.

"Hey, fellas, move I need to use the bathroom." Remus said trying to push aside the twins.

"Uh, Mr R.J Lupin, you have the one down the hall." Fred pointed to the opposite end of the hallway.

"Yea, well since that's too far-" Remus said, making another attempt to go to the bathroom.

"You need to lose some weight," George said. "You'd best take the long way. More exercise and all that."

"I am not fat! Now move aside!" Remus pushed past them, and opened the door. He slammed the door shut, and the ear-splitting scream that came from inside was _very_ painful.

"Uh-oh." the twins said together.

**A/N: yo, this is potterride the one and only copyright that name! yo, people of the earth and (cue music) beyondddddd! Anyways this is yet another chappie of mine (potterride's and bittersweet x's) creation here...plus here's the news...(scary music) someone's bday is coming up...I'll tell u who it is on April 1..yea because a new story is coming up on my account then...u know me potterride :) so yea...plz read and review this story and check out my new story on April 1 trust me..u will like it! P.S i will give you a hint on whose bday it is..it is a fanfictioner..DUN DUN DUNN..no its not me! well have a good day! laugh and smile :)**

**good luck with life :) 33333 **


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

Endless minutes full of Remus's screaming passed. Meanwhile, Ron went to the other bathroom, came over to George, asked him what he owed him, and was waved away as Fred and George deliberated about how dead they would be when Remus left the bathroom.

Seemingly eons later, Remus emerged.

He was blue.

He was covered with chicken feathers.

There was an unearthly _sqwak _and the sound of approximately thirty two chickens and one chick flying out the window.

"Hi, Remus!" said Fred cheerfully.

"You look very skinny today," added George.

The blue, feathery Remus carefully turned his eyes on the twins.

They paled slightly.

"What," whispered Remus in a deadly voice.

"Was."

"THAT."  
"Um," whispered George, "practicing our spell work?"

Remus turned on his heel with as much dignity as a blue, chicken feathered man can

have, and walked wordlessly down the hall. It was only when he reached the end of it, blue footprints trailing behind him on the tattered red carpet; he turned and positively screamed,

"OH THIS IS WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR."

"It was meant for Ron!" called George in a feeble voice, but Remus didn't seem to hear him as he Dramatically stormed away.

"He's not very good at Dramatically storming away," observed Fred incongruously.

A roar came over the wall. "I AM TOO!"

Remus pushed open the door without even knocking, blue leaving a mark on the door knob. He found Sirius sitting at his desk with a book opened in front of him.

"Why are you reading, Sirius Black?" hissed Remus lethally. "WHY ARE YOU READING WHEN I AM SUFFERING GRIEF?"

"Actually," said Sirius pleasantly, laying his book down, "I'm pretending to read whilst listening to the arguments and screams of horror that are emitting from down the hall."

Remus growled.

Sirius gasped. "Are you turning into a wolf, or something?"

Remus looked rather like a large, blue, feathery person who was actually about to explode or fly away in terror.

Sirius burst into laughter. "I'm sorry," he managed to say. "YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO FLY AWAY!"

"Werewolves cannot fly," Remus said pointedly. "They can only growl and beat a man who is _pretending _to read with its bare hands." Remus was close to yelling.

Sirius looked rather terrified. "Um, okay," he said quickly. "Yeah. Totally. I'm not pretending to read. Who? Me? Pfffff. It was..um..Regulus..yeah!"

"Regu - WHERE DID HE EVEN COME FROM YOU CRAZY IDIOT?"

"...Shut up that's not the point moving on with our LIVES..a prank war?"

Remus nodded. "A prank war!"

Sirius stroked his nonexistant beard. "Hm," he said, sounding oddly like a philosopher. Like Plato or something. Except what the heck, why Plato? That's a dumb name. It sounds like Play-Dough. I hate Play-Dough. Sirius sounded like Aristole. Yeah. However you spell his dumb name. Why do philosophers always have such dumb names? "But..they're just _kids._"

Remus's eyes flapped in anger. "THEY PLAYED A PRANK ON THEIR BROTHER BECAUSE THEY WERE MAD THAT WE DIDN'T TELL THEM OUR IDENTITIES AND IT BACKFIRED ON _ME. _AND **LOOK AT ME. **THEY ARE NOT KIDS! NOT! KIDS! AAAAAAGHHHH!"

".Moooony? Are you okay?"

"NOT! NOT! DO KIDS COAT PEOPLE WITH PAINT? PAINT! I MEAN WHY! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT? WHY BLUE? BLUE IS A DUMB COLOR! WHY NOT GREEN OR - "

Sirius sighed. It was gonna be a long day.

* * *

Fred and George stood there frozen, as they heard screams coming from Sirius' room. Remus seemed mad, like he was going-to-fly-away-slash-explode-any-moment mad. It's really scary how adults can get when they're mad.

"Should we go apologize?" George asked in a tiny voice. Fred met his eyes for a minute, and then they both laughed.

"Nah, he will just need to blow off some steam," Fred assured George. With that last remark they walked away, hoping that things would be okay with Remus. Of course, they were only hoping.

They were sadly mistaken.

* * *

"- A BIRD! A BIRD OF ALL THINGS! I MEAN I'M NOT SOMEONE OUT OF _MAXIMUM RIDE! _LIKE REALLY?"

"I think it was a chicken, actually," said Sirius cautiously. "They're quite different."

Remus rounded on him. "YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE COULD BE DIFFERENT? YOUR FACE FROM THE REST OF YOUR BODY WHEN I SEPARATE THEM!"

Sirius backed away cautiously, spinning his spinny chair away.

"WHERE DID YOU GET A SPINNY CHAIR?" ranted Remus.

"Aaaaanyways," interrupted Sirius. "You said something about a prank war? "

Remus stopped throwing his arms up in the air and grinned. "A prank war," he agreed. "Between me and you, versus those..._twins.._"

Sirius giggled -

"Since _when _do _you _giggle?"

"I didn't giggle," said Sirius immediately.

Remus stared at him for a moment.

"ANYWAYS," Remus started to say.

"Hey, guys, my mum wanted to know-" Ron came in, his face all bright and happy, until he looked at Remus.

"You were saying?" Remus asked in a monotone, trying to hurry Ron up. Oblivious to the fact that Ron just stared at him.

"Uh, n-never mind," Ron said hastily, as he rushed out of the room.

"What was wrong with him?" Remus asked Sirius.

"Let's just say, that boy as lost all respect for you completely." Sirius grinned. Remus looked at himself in Sirius' full body mirror on the opposite wall.

"I look like a blue dough-boy," Remus touched his blue face. Then, he turned to go look at Sirius with an evil grin on his face.

"Before we even start the prank war, we must get Fred and George in trouble." Remus explained.

"Uh-huh," Sirius nodded, not sure where Remus was going with this.

"I'm gonna go tattle on Fred and George!" Remus ran out of the room..

Sirius's jaw dropped. He immediately tore out of the room, ran down the hall at lightening speed, and caught Remus by the feathery blue shoulder.

"STOP," he ordered. "You are a MARAUDER, Lupin. Don't you remember _the golden rule?_"

Remus's face twisted for a few seconds, then relaxed in recognition. "Never tattle on someone unless they're Slytherins," he recited dully. "But Sirius - "

"But nothing," cut in Sirius firmly. His eyes darted around (perhaps looking for James's ghost) and whispered in Remus's ear.

"Our golden rule never said anything about tipping _other _people to tattle."  
Remus's eyes widened. "Ron."

Sirius nodded, a grin enveloping his face. "Ron." At this perfect cliche moment Ron came down the hall whistling to himself.

"Hey, Ron," Sirius greeted him.

"What do you want from me?" Ron whimpered. Sirius' hand went to his pants pocket, where he keeps his emergency money.

"Well, you know how you always want to get Fred and George in trouble?" Sirius whispered. An evil grin covered Ron's face, he knew where this was going.

"How much?" Ron asked, he face turning Serious (get it?).

Sirius whispered the price into his ear; a smile covered half of Ron's face.

"Deal," Ron shook his Sirius' hand. "All I have to do it tell to my mum that Fred and George made R.J Lupin blue and covered with fea - "

"R.J Lupin?" interrupted Remus.

"It's your name," Sirius pointed out. "Continue, Ron."

"All I have to do is tattle on them, and include that they were going to do it to me, but did it on an Order Member?"

"Exactly!" Sirius exclaimed. "Now, GO!" Sirius pushed him off towards the stairs. Remus held his hand out towards Sirius.

"We are good!" Sirius said happily, as he gave Remus a high-five.

"Now I can finally go take a shower!" Remus sighed, as he marched off to the bathroom.

"Not yet, Moony," Sirius caught him by the shoulder, and hauled him back to his room.

"We need you for proof." Remus frowned and muttered a curse word under his breath.

"Language, Moony." Sirius scolded.

"You're one to talk, Padfoot."

As they shut walked into Sirius' room, they heard a yell from downstairs.

"FRED, GEORGE, GET DOWN HERE!" Molly shrieked. One last glance Sirius and

Remus locked eyes with Fred and George who were head downstairs. They looked...scared?

"You didnt-" Fred started to say. From the evil glint in Remus' eyes, they both got the message.

"This means _war._" Fred and George said together. "A prank war."

**A/N: gah, well this took long too post...hey there it's potterride..hey-o peeps! Bittersweet's comp is not working swell so I had that pain to do this excruciating job...why can Fanfiction post it for us? Anyways, I have a question, could you tell the difference between bittersweet's and mine writing let us know in the review...REVIEW! R&R plz! smile and laugh today**

**good luck with life**

**potterride**


	4. Chapter 4

Chappie Four

After watching Fred and George go down the stairs with serious faces, Remus and Sirius fled to Sirius' room, laughing their heads off as Molly's screams resounded from the kitchen. Something about shame on the family's honor. Or something.

"Honestly, what does that have to do with anything?" asked Remus when they had retired in Sirius's study.

"I dunno," said Sirius. "My mum used to go on about it a bit, but -"

"Remus! Can you please come down here!" Molly shouted from the foot of the stairs.

"Looks like little Remus is in trouble," Sirius smirked. Which resulted a hit from Remus.

Remus walked down to the kitchen, where he saw Fred and George in the corner, their backs toward Remus. He laughed silently to himself, knowing that Fred and George were in time-out. He turned to look at Molly, who was in front of him, wide-eyed, shocked.

"Oh, Remus, I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to be...covered with feathers...or blue." Molly put her hand over her heart, the turned to look at Fred and George. However, when she did, they were _gone._ The only thing that was there was a note.

"Fred? George?" Molly and Remus walked to the corner of the wall.

"I think this is for me," Remus said grabbing the note, which said,

"_For Mister R.J Lupin! Not Mum!_ _If Mum reads this, then we will not be very impressed! So..um, don't read this, Mum!_" Molly looked at the note as well, and went off grumbling how men were so secretive. Remus was slightly shocked that she'd actually gone. Oh, the wonders of a parody.

"Well, give them props for sneaking off like ninjas!" With that remark Remus did a ninja pose that only a blue feathered man can do. Molly just shook her head.

Remus cautiously began to unfold the note, holding it far from himself. He knew from past experience that notes were never quite as they seemed. When him and his friends were in their Hogwarts years, he remembered, Lily had sent James a note, but it had exploded in his face and left him...

_Huh. What a coincidence. _If Remus remembered correctly, it had left James blue and covered with chicken feathers.

He also remembered that (after laughing his head off and taking quite a few rude pictures-not inappropriate sick minded people) Sirius had fixed James; because it had turned out it was the _note _that had been spelled. They'd gone into spell theory and discovered that with two words of the alteration of the spell, you could make the note do whatever you wanted it to.

He strode to the staircase, note in hand, and bellowed, "SIRIUS!"

Sirius appeared a few minutes later. "Hello, chicken-man."

Remus scowled. "Fred and George left a note," he said.

Sirius gasped. "Be careful," he warned. "Remember what happened to James?"

Remus sighed. "Yes, Sirius, I do."

"Okay. I guess you could open it, though..but hold it _waaaaay _back from yourself." Sirius himself starting walking backwards.

Remus unfolded the note, bracing himself for the worst. The note was now unfolded- DUN DUN DUNNN! In Fred's or George's slanted hand-writing (their twins, twins who have exactly the same hand-writing) it said:

_The war has finally begun! Meet us in our room at twelve sharp for the actual rules, the suspense, etc. The prank war..MWHAHAHAHAHA!_

_-Fred and George W._

"That answers that," Sirius said, reading over Remus' shoulder.

"You think it's legit?" Remus asked still wary.

"Any good prankster knows that you cannot start any formal pranking before a prank war." Sirius stated, like he was the Prime Minister of Pranks. Well, actually he was, as he pointed out when Remus brought it up.

"Don't you remember 1977?" said Sirius impatiently.

Remus closed his eyes for a moment, trying to remember, and then opened them with a jolt.

"Oh!" he exclaimed.

"The Prank War of '77," said Sirius, grinning. "Hey, let's have a strange flashback for no apparent reason!"

"Oh, the wonders of a parody!"

STRANGE FLASHBACK FOR NO APPARENT REASON

"_Oh, c'mon!" Avery yelled angrily as he was splattered by a white-out gun. "I need backup here, guys!"_

_Narcissa Black jumped out of a corner and quickly hosed him down. "YOUR MOTHER WILL BE HEARING ABOUT THIS, SIRIUS!" she roared._

_Sirius winked. "Do I _really _look like I care?" he yelled "Wait, don't answer that." Sirius was splattered from head to toe in every color from red to green._

"_MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!" James laughed evilly, as he was shooting white-out everywhere._

"_James, I need - " Peter was struck down by a paintgun mid-sentence._

"_Remus! Man-down!" James directed._

_"I'm coming, Peter!" Remus ran to Peter, pushing and squirting a bunch of random house students._

"_LAAAAAAAAND HO!" yelled Dumbledore, jumping from where he was surfing in mid air on a broomstick, wielding a rolling pin -_

"You made that up, Sirius!"

"Did not! Dumbledore _had _a rolling pin! It was red with purple polka dots!"

"Oh yeah.."

_"Are we in trouble?" a Ravenclaw asked from the corner where James was holding them captive._

"_No, we are all going to get cupcakes!" Narcissa retorted._

"_OH MY GOSH CUPCAKES!" squealed a Hufflepuff._

_Narcissa rolled her eyes. "_No, _you idiot! Of course we're going to get in trouble!"_

_Dumbledore leaped in the middle of the fighters._

_The war that had been raging on for exactly twelve days, four hours and thirteen and a half minutes, waged by Snape, who was angry at the Marauders for playing one prank too many, and had grown to include the entire school, house-against-house, friend-against-friend, brother-against-...well, since most of the brothers in the school were in the same house, it was generally not brother-against-brother, but you get the general gist, - stopped._

_There was a silence._

_Dumbledore looked at every fighter, stained with white out or purple paint or so much more mess. The oxygen in the room was at an all time low._

_"No one," said Dumbledore, and even though he wasn't yelling his voice carried around the room, "is going to get in trouble."_

_There was considerably more oxygen in the room._

_"IF!"_

_The oxygen disappeared again._

_"I get to win."_

_Every single person in Hogwarts rolled their eyes at the exact same time._

_End Flashback_

"Those were good times," Remus sighed.

"Remember we all snuck out of our detention room during McGonagall's nap, and had planned the rest of the war in the Prefects' bathroom?" Sirius reminisced.

"A prank war," Remus stated. "I just cannot wait to beat Fred and George to pulps."

"Wouldn't it be so much fun to get the whole Order involved?" Sirius grinned with excitement.

Remus laughed,

"Not unless you want them to think that we are totally immature!"

"Molly would have a fit if she found out," Sirius laughed madly.

"Let's do it," they said in unison. Now, for some reason they were both laughing wildly. And, for some other reason, they did so until midnight.

It was dark in the hallways of the Black house, as Remus - who bathed- and Sirius crept down the hallway to Fred and George's room. Ron was standing at the door, opening the door and taking coats.

"Ron," Sirius hissed. "You're not supposed to be here!"

"I am the brother of the two twins in the prank war, I deserve to be here." Ron said pointedly. "Plus," he lowered his voice. "I got paid." Remus and Sirius did a mental face-palm; wondering where Ron would be if he did everything for money.

"May I take your coats?" Ron asked gesturing to the makeshift coat-rack he probably made himself.

"Ron!" George yelled. "They don't have any coats!"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Then what am I supposed to take?" he demanded.

Fred walked out of the gloom mysteriously. Even though there was not any gloom, and it wasn't mysterious at all, but oh well, "Just take their watches," he said cheerfully.

"We don't have watches," said Sirius sadly.

"I give up!" exclaimed Ron, throwing his arms up in the air. "Just go in!"

Harry and Hermione appeared out of the nonexistant gloom.

"You were NOT INVITED," whisper-yelled Fred, pointing accusingly at the two.

"But _I,_" said Harry importantly, "am the _Chosen One._"

Remus poked him. "That's not till book six. Don't ruin it the whole series!"

Harry pulled a book out of his back pocket and skimmed it quickly. "Oh, look, you're right," he realized. "Well, I'm out." He left.

"Out," Remus told Hermione.

"Out," Sirius told Ron.

"All right, let's go," sighed Hermione.

"I wanna stay here," whined Ron as Hermione stepped into the hall. She turned back slowly and laid killer eyes on him.

"Ron. COME. NOW."

Ron, looking slightly terrified, hurried after her. "I still get my paycheck!" he called over his shoulder.

"Well," Sirius said, "Shall we start?" Fred and George nodded. They went to a small table in the corner of the room; barely big enough for Sirius and Remus to squeeze in next to the wall as they faced Fred and George.

"Here are the rules," George said as he took out a piece of parchment from his pocket.

In small handwriting (most likely in Hermione's) it said:

**Rules of Pranking-For Pranksters of all ages, the ones who know what fair is when they see it**

Rule number one: No one is allowed to die. If you die, it is your responsibility to explain it to your mother. If your mother is not around, just tell Molly Weasley, and she will probably act as a fill-in.

Note: If you are responsible for the death, it is not actually your fault, because the one who died was breaking a rule. So do not feel guilty and please don't tell our mother. Thanks, Fred and George.

Rule Number Two: If Snape is involved, there are no rules.  
Rule Number Three: The damage done by a prank must not exceed over six months.  
Rule Number Four: No Death Eaters.  
Rule Number Five: Be chivalrous and do not hit any girls. It's just rude (I'm not being sexist!).  
Rule Number Six:: No kicking babies.  
Rule Number Seven: If you have a dance party, you are not allowed to play any Ke$sha music.  
Rule Number Eight: No ducks named Tom.  
Rule Number Nine: There are no more rules.  
Rule Number Ten: If anyone is involved in your prank who is not on your team, you must pay them. (by Ron)  
Note: If any of these rules are broken, the prank war will immediately halt and there will be no winner plus no ice cream sandwiches.

Sirius and Remus observed the rules for a few minutes.

"Kicking babies?" repeated Remus dubiously.

Fred shrugged. "It's a good rule. Once Percy accidentally kicked Ginny when she was a baby and she attacked him." George flinched after Fred said that, it was a sad moment in history. All Remus was thinking how sad it would be to kick a baby, and how he would _never_do it.

"Okay, I guess we agree," Remus said nonchantly.

"Wait! Can we kill Snape? Sirius asked excitedly.

"_We_ have no problem, but then _you_must explain the death to Dumbldore, and my mum." Fred said. Sirius' face dropped,

"Fine." he said like Fred was his un-realated- authority- holding- adult.

"Can we please start the ceremony?" George said looking tired.

"Ceremony?" Remus and Sirius asked in unison.

"We must swear on...this duck," Fred said with a totally straight face. He placed the duck on the table, it was yellow, with an orange beak. A typical rubber ducky. Fred placed his on the rubber ducky.

"I, Fred Weasley," Fred started holding up his right hand, with scary music playing softly in the background. "Solemnly swear-"

"That I'm up to know good," Sirius snickered. Fred and George shot him a look.

"-that I will not break any rules, kill anyone, or do something so drastic that would affect everyone. I will not let the whole world end in darkness during this whole prank war." Fred said the whole the very seriously, firm.

"I, George Weasley, will do the same thing as Fred." George placed his hand on the duck.

"I, Sirius Orion Black-"

"Why the middle name?" Remus asked.

Sirius shrugged, "More cooler and dramatic," "-will do the same as the twins," Sirius put his hand on then rubber ducky.

"I, Remus John Lupin, also known as R.J Lupin," Remus smiled. "Will do the same as Sirius and the twins." Remus put his hand on the rubber ducky.

"The Prank War has officially begun," Fred and George grinned. The scary music got louder,

"Fred, George! You better not be doing anything illegal!" Molly called from her room, it was she could do at 1a.m in the morning. They didn't respond, because it probably is illegal in some very small country.

_CRACK!_

Dobby apparated into the room on Sirius' head, he was the score keeper type -thing for the prank war. Warning: He may come in at the most randomest times..._you have been warned_.

"The Prank War has begun!" He said in his terrifyingly squeaky voice.

Than he Disapparated, never to be seen again (AND THEY WERE NEVER SEEN AGAIN!)...at least until the next chapter!

**A/N: yo, potterride here, idk why bittersweet is not doing putting this up but ... anyways sigh i think i probably smiled too many times during this chappie, sigh..okay since none of you answered to that question i asked earlier (can u tell the difference between mine and bittersweet's writing style?) none of u get FANG. I'm possessive like that (bittersweet says it's unhealthy) hope you guys smiled when reading this...laugh and smile today (happy spring break!) **

**good luck with life :)**

**potterride+ (someplace) bittersweet x**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

The next day was a Top Secret Order Meeting. No one knew about it except the Order - well, Mundungus didn't, because he was out stealing cauldrons or kicking babies or doing something of the thieving sort, that jerk - and to make sure Fred and George or Ke$ha or anyone like that didn't gate crash, a SuperSecret Privacy spell was put on the SuperSecret dining hall. Then, meeting was conducted. Every member of the Order that knew about it was absolutely sworn to secrecy, and if they told, then they would be denied dessert for the next three and a half days.

Safe to say, it was about the Weapon.

"We need more ways of protecting it," Kingsley was saying in a low voice. "There is a _huge _chance that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named - "

"You mean Bon Jovi?" questioned Arthur Weasley.

Molly sighed loudly. "Why are there so many mentions of singers who aren't even alive yet in this?"

"Oh, the wonders of a parody," said the Order in one voice.

"No, Arthur," said Kingsley tiredly, "not Bon Jovi, whoever he is, is he even born yet, I mean we are in 1996 - you know who I mean." (Wait Bon Jovi was born, wasn't he? Some crazy Jovi fan explain to it to me?)

"You guys should really learn how to say Voldemort," intoned Remus.

Everyone shuddered.

"Oh, come on!" exclaimed Remus. "I mean, I was terrified of it at first, but then my _friends - _" he shot a look at Sirius , "well, _so to speak, _bullied me into saying it, and once you say it once.." He shrugged and smiled. "C'mon, if a timid little werewolf kid scared of his own shadow can say it at thirteen, everyone in this room can.."

"We have gotten _way _off track," said Kingsley firmly, with a sharp look at Remus. "Listen to me. The weapon - the prophecy - we can't carry on like this. Who knows when..You-Know-Who will strike? We know he can infiltrate the Potter boy's mind - "

"So why aren't we doing anything about it?" said Tonks angrily. "You're all acting as if he's some sort of, I dunno, some type of weapon himself, a time-bomb or something! He's a human, he can't just sit there and wait to be "infiltrated"!"

"Tonks," said Kingsley calmly, "it's too dangerous."

"But still!" she insisted, voice quivering slightly. "He's just a boy!"

"Exactly!" cut in Molly, glaring at Tonks, which was quite unusual, it was normally Sirius she was arguing with. ""He's _just a boy - _he can't know that Voldemort can use him to do whatever he wants, or he'll be _terrified!"_

"He'll be _prepared,_" argued Tonks. "Someone back me up here!"

"You know, Tonks is right," said Remus thoughtfully.

The entire Order glared at them.

Tonks, for some reason, went a brilliant red. A tiny smile crept up across her face as Remus moved nearer to her and touched her shoulder.

No one saw this except Sirius, who caught her eye and smirked. She went redder stiller and scowled.

"I have more important news than any of this, by the way," Sirius said abruptly. The Order members had all half-risen from their seats; ready to engage in a serious (Sirius?) argument. When Sirius (serious?) spoke, they looked at him, quite interested, as he hadn't said a thing throughout the entire meeting.

Tonks, who was very red in the face indeed at this point, being rather _very _close to a certain Remus Lupin, who happened to be arguing on her behalf, looked somewhat disappointed and somewhat relieved as everyone sat down and looked expectantly at Sirius.

Remus knew what he was going to say before he said it. "_Sirius -_" he began warningly, but Sirius ignored him.

"We," Sirius said simply, "are at war."

There was a silence.

Kingsley spoke first. "Yes, Black, I think we knew that.."

"No, another war," said Sirius.

Remus slammed his head against the table. Tonks's eyes slipped over to him before she quickly averted her attention to her cousin...sort of.

"At this point, it's only Fred and George versus Remus and I," Sirius went on.

"Remus and me," corrected Tonks.

"Whatever. It's a.." he grinned, looking around. "A _prank war._"

And that was when the world went slightly mad.

Molly Weasley threw down the fork that she had been brandishing at Remus, picked it up again, spun round and brandished it at Sirius. "WHAT," she roared, "_WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BOYS?"_

"Molly, calm down," said Kingsley imperiously. "To be safe, they weren't exactly squeaky clean before all this..."

Moody leapt to his feet. "A PRANK WAR?" he shouted. "A _PRANK WAR? _WE'RE AT _REAL WAR, _AND YOU FOOLS ARE DECLARING _PRANK WAR ON A PAIR OF SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD?"_

"Eighteen in April," supplied Sirius.

"They turned me into a _chicken,_" added Remus. "And then we got them in big trouble with their mum, and we had this whole service and a total unnecessary flashback and Ke$ha was mentioned too many times, and then _Dobby _came in, and long story short, we're definitely having this prank war. There are rules, though, so don't worry."

"May we see these..ahem..rules?" came a silky voice from the back.

Snape had spoken.

"Remind me why he was invited," muttered Sirius, eying Snape with distaste.

"Ah, Sirius," said Snape, grinning lazily as his enemy came into view. "A prank war, now really? The cleaning provided a bit too little for you? Had to spice up your life by declaring..ah..war on teenagers?"

Sirius made a convulsive movement towards Snape. Remus grabbed him by the back of the robes. "_You are a grown man, and James is not here to help you, so stop," _he hissed in his ear.

Sirius stepped back and glared at Snape. "No, you can't see the rules," he spat. "Not unless you want to join the war, and you're not allowed. It's one of the rules."

"No it's - " Remus began, before seeing the look on Sirius's face and silencing.

"Well," drawled Snape, "you see, I don't _need _to join a petty..ah.._war, _because I, unlike..certain people..am doing _useful _things for the Order."

Sirius was almost too quick for Remus, this time, but he seized the hood of his robes and nearly choked him.

The entire Order had stopped yelling in the interest of observing the two school boy enemies. Kingsley decided enough was enough.

"Stop," he said, in his deep voice. "Both of you. Shake hands. Now."

"No," they spat in unison, and then glared harder at each other.

"_Shake._"

Looking as if they'd rather like to murder one another, Sirius and Snape stepped towards one another and shook hands, each trying to crush the other's palm.

"I swear, Remus, that man deserves _everything _we ever did to him," snarled Sirius quietly when they'd both retreated. Remus just sighed.

"You can have your little war, boys," said Kingsley finally. "But don't..kill each other, all right? We don't need any more deaths."

"Does anyone want to join?" said Remus brightly. "We have the sign-up sheet for me and Sirius right here, and the one for Fred and George here.."

They were greeted with dead silence.

"Maybe next time, then," said Remus. "See Fred and George for details, by the way.. All right. Um, the weapon..."

"Proposal to adjourn," said Molly faintly.

"Seconded," barked Moody.

"Thirded," said Emmaline Vance softly.

"Fourthed," said Sturgis Podmore shakily.

"Meeting adjourned," agreed Kingsly.

The dining hall emptied quite quickly.

Five minutes later, Emmaline Vance sneaked back in and scribbled her name on the _Sirius and Remus _sheet.

Ten minutes later, Sturgis Podmore stole back in and scrawled his name under the _Fred and George _sheet.

This continued for the rest of the afternoon.

The prank war was indeed in full swing.

**A/N: Yo, it's potterride here, if your wondering where bittersweet x is well she's afraid that if she does it then she might accidently delete this whole chapter (it _almost _ happened) then where would we be. So if you have any problems u r more than welcome to not sue me. I wrote that correctly. Sorry for the wait...we really need a dedication and to stop being really lazy..i'll work on that..for now REVIEW! thxx **

**sweet-potter xx**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

"We need inspiration!" Fred shouted to the ceiling. "They could strike at any time, and then we need a back-up plan!"

"Plus, we need people on our side," George added.

"That," Fred pointed at George, "is very true. However, we can't just go up to random people and ask them if they want to join the war."

"What do you propose we do?" George asked.

"We are we talking so formal?"

"Remember Kingsly gave us that lesson on 'How to be a Real Wizard Using Correct Language?' I just remember propose." George shrugged.

"Oh yeah..." Fred said stroking his chin. "Then I suggest that we go look at that sign-up sheet to see if there is anyone useful on that sheet. We need to win!"

"Hullo," Ginny came striding in.

"Ginny, how many times do we have to tell you, KNOCK!" Fred and George said 'knock' at the same time.

"Sorry, but I couldn't help but notice that you guys are having a prank war." said Ginny.

"The whole Order knows, get to your point," George said nonchalantly.

"Right. Well, I was wondering whether I could join your team?" Ginny said eagerly.

"No." Fred and George said in unison.

"Why not?" Ginny's voice was rising.

"You might get hurt, or you might kill someone," Fred said, rubbing his neck.

Ginny scowled. "You don't know my strengths!"

"Yes, we do," Fred walked over and looked her straight in the eye. "Mum would never let you participate and the prank war. You heard her screams when Remus and Sirius told her about the prank war. You know she doesn't even want us in it, clearly she's not gonna want you in it either." Fred explained.

"I could help," Ginny crossed her arms over her chest. George sighed,

"Ginny we can't, we can't risk Mum finding out about you on our team, and putting a hiatus on the prank war," George ran a hand through his hair.

"Whoa..." Ginny and Fred said together.

"Fred, you knew that word," George said.

"Yes, but I never used it!"

"So, can I join?" Ginny asked hopefully.

"No!" Fred and George said in unison.

"Darn..." She looked sadly once more at her brothers and walked silently away.

Fred slapped his hand against his head. "GINNY!" he bellowed. "ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN JOIN OUR TEAM!"

"!" came a screech from the hallway. She appeared in the doorway with an enormous grin on her face and ran into Fred's arms.

"Oh - oh, get off of me," growled Fred, pushing her away. "Get out of here. See if you can recruit anyone else. And if Mum finds out, it's your funeral.."

Grinning, Ginny raced out of the room.

George spun around to look at Fred. "Why?"

Fred sighed and ran his hand through his hair, looking weary. "You know she would've either joined Sirius and Remus's team, or murdered us, or pranked us - she's Ginny, she's our little sister, she would've found a way to be part of this. Best to have her on our side, really.."

George absorbed this for a second, then nodded. He sighed as well and sunk into an armchair. "Fred, what have we gotten ourselves into?"

"Epicness," was Fred's response.

He was right.

Now to continue this cliche moment, they would be planning something really bad to Sirius and Remus, laughing until their sides hurt. However, this is a parody anything can go...

Fred and George sat on the bed (wall), Fred and George got mushed into a sandwich (had a great big fall). As soon, as their weight go put on the bed, the springs of the bed must have sprung into action (ha! get it?). Before Fred and George could react, they were in between the bed, stuck. Now you might think that they could just wiggle out of there. However, the top of the bed had glue-crazy magic glue.

"ARGGGGGGG!" Fred screamed. "How could we be so stupid not to check the bed? This is so amateur of them!"

"And what the hell is this white stuff? God, it's sticky-oh. It's glue! This is so stupid!"

"Actually, we beg to differ, you see it was our amateur that would make you think that we experienced pranksters would never use the bed as a prank. Thus, you would never look there expecting that we wouldn't use the bed as a prank. It was quite classic actually using reverse psychology on you," Remus's voice came from behind the closed door.

"Let me get this straight, you thought that we thought you guys are good pranksters and would never use the bed-a common pranking tool. So, you used the bed knowing we wouldn't check. That's called Reverse P.R.A.T," said Fred.

"I agree with everything, but the "prat" part," Sirius's voice chimed in.

"That means," George said in a smart tone voice, which only a man who is sandwiched between a bed can do. "Prank Reverse but Awesome Technique."

"If you are calling our prank awesome-" Remus started.

"No, we are actually calling you guys prats, but we're trying to be nice about it." Fred sighed.

"Now where are our wands, Fred?" George tried to move around.

"We left 'em-oh, no."

"Oh, yes, MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!" Sirius laughed evilly.

"Will someone please tell me where the heck our wands are?" George yelled.

"Downstairs, where the meeting was held," Fred replied.

"Let us give you a hint who has your wands, Nymphadora." Remus taunted.

"Who the heck is Nymphadora?" Fred muttered. Remus and Sirius doing their best to stifle their laughs, they started to walk away.

"WAIT!" Fred called out to them,

"What now, I was trying to make a better dramatic exit," Remus groaned opening the door.

"Ha! This prank was so good!" Sirius snickered at the sight of them.

"We have to face the Order? Plus, our mum?" George asked in a quiet voice, while Fred glared at them.

"Uh, yes and no. Your mum is wandering around doing Voldemort knows what. Some of the Order is downstairs, but not all. Yes, you do have to face the Order in a bed." Remus explained, him and Sirius laughing at the last part.

"We need to have some dignity," Fred groaned.

"The only way you can lose all your dignity, is when you lose an ear, and make a joke that you are a Saint, calling yourself holy." Sirius said in a matter-of-factly voice, looking directly at George.

"Why you lookin' at me for?" asked George.

"I just have a strong feeling that one of you would say that, if you lose an ear." Sirius shook his head.

George muttered something under his breath something like, "You would never catch me saying that pun."

"We need our wands, George," Fred complained. "We need to face the Order in a bed."

"How do you propose we get out of this room, first?" George asked, gesturing to the door.

"I'll tell you what we're not gonna do; STOP SAYING THE WORD 'PROPOSE' FROM THAT STUPID LESSON!" Fred growled.

"Oh, you guys had that lesson too, on the proper wizard language? Dumbledore gave us a whole lecture on how it's important, blah, blah, blah," Sirius piped up.

"If you don't mind, can you please leave?" George asked Sirius and Remus, trying not to express any annoyance.

They smirked and walked away.

"On the count of three we are going to push ourselves our of this little bed, er, inside the bed." Fred explained.

"Right,"

"One...two...three!" they pushed the mattress out of the bed-frame, stumbling a little bit on the hardwood floor.

"Ow," mumbled Fred.

"We gotta bust out of this thing," said George grimly as they fell hard onto the floor.

"Mwaahahhahhh!" cackled a cackle from the door.

"That sentence was grammatically incorrect," said Fred politely.

"Mwahahahh!" came a cackle from the door.

"Much better," said George cheerfully. "Um, who are you, exactly?"

"I am a figment of your imaginations," said the apparent figment of their imaginations. "You see, while you actually think you are in a bed, you're really lying on the ground...now say potato.. really slowly..." the voice drawled.

"MALFOY?" yelled Fred.

"No.." said the figure dubiously.

"Oh, because he's like the only one Rowling makes drawl."

"...Who the hell is Rowling?"

"I have no idea."

"Oh, the wonders of a parody!" all three said together.

"Now say potato...really slowly...and loudly..." said the voice.

"Po-tat-to..." Fred and George together.

"BOIL EM MASH EM STICK EM IN A STEW," said the voice that came from the door. "I can't believe you guys actually listened to that! Saying 'potato' was just brilliant!" the voice said...sounding like Remus...

"For the love of...LUPIN!" Fred yelled. "I can't believe you did that!"

"It's not my fault I jinxed my voice...and you guys fell for that!" Remus laughed. "Remus and Sirius, 1, Fred and George, 0!"

Fred and George looked confused.

"What just happened?" inquired George.

"Okay, so we trapped you in a bed," began Remus, "and then you guys somehow freed yourself from the bedframe and bounced in the folded up mattress on to the floor. Seeing this, and that you were about to bust out of it, I had to act fast, and I quickly and ingeniously tried to trick you into thinking the whole thing was a figment of your imaginations. Then I tried to make you say potatoes to make a fool out of yourselves - and it WORKED! MWAHAHAHAHH!"

"Remus! We have more planning to do! Where the heck are you!" Sirius bellowed from his study.

"Coming! MWHAHAHAHA!" and with that Remus left the doorway.

"That was just odd," George said.

"Indeed. Now the who the heck is Nymphadora? We need our wands!" Fred exclaimed.

"Hey, Ginny, you're probably listening right now..so who the heck is Nymphadora?" George asked to the ceiling.

"Tonks." Ginny's voice came from somewhere in the room, outside the room.

"Thanks," George replied. "Wait...oh, bloody hell.." the twins finished together.

"Well, better, get out this door-" Fred started.

"Um, hey, Fred and George, I found your wands-" Tonks came striding in, but came to an abrupt stop when she saw Fred and George on the floor bound to a bed. "This is what they wanted me to keep them for," she smirked.

"You're working with Sirius and Remus? I thought you hated them! Ginny is on our team!" George said, with his cheeks slightly flushed from embarrassment.

"Oh-well,um I-I never s-said I hated..Remus...er...and Sirius," Tonks stuttered. "Maybe I shouldn't give you your wands."

"We will do anything! Please!" Fred begged...wait, did that sound right? Fred begging and losing his pride?

"Well, how about you tell me where you got that money to open a joke shop?" Tonks asked.

"Er..well..that's really classified information, you wouldn't want to know." George stated, glaring at Fred for saying they will do anything.

"Really?" Tonks took a step forward with an evil glint in her eyes, "'Cause I still have your-WHOAAA!" Tonks tripped over a rubber ducky and went face first to the floor. The wand slipped out of her hands and right in front of Fred.

"Here!" Fred took his wand with he mouth and gave it George.

"That better not be my wand," George scowled, as he took the wand with his sorta-free hand that didn't get caught in the bog bed mess. Tonks groaned, muttering angrily to herself how she is so clumsy.

George hastily murmured a counterjinx and the bed sprung out..GLUE-FREE!

"That was almost too easy, do you think Sirius and Remus planning anything else?" Fred asked George after they were in the safety of the kitchen.

"No more pranks for today or tomorrow!" Molly screamed. It was followed by a series of 'aww's.'

"But Molly-" Sirius groaned, coming down the stairs.

"Not buts, I'm not kidding. Boys did you get out of your bed trap thingy?" Molly asked poking her head in the kitchen.

"No, Mum, it's just invisible," George said, sarcasm dripping from his words.

"How did you know about it, anyways?" demanded Fred.

There was a pop and Dobby materialized in the kitchen. Molly blinked.

"Why is there a House Elf in my kitchen?" she said in a slow, deadly voice.

"Dobby is a free elf!" insisted Dobby. "Oh, and Winky wants Dobby to tell you Winky says hi."

"HI, WINKY," chorused the entire house.

"Dobby would also like to say," squeaked the free House Elf, "that you two teams should make team names.

"As for now, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin: ONE! Fred and George Weasley: ZERO!"

He disappeared.

Everyone clapped their hands at the days' events.

* * *

**See potterride? I can put up a chapter without deleting the whole story! I never even did that..I just deleted..um..y'know, I don't think the readers want to know - anyways, this is the lovely Bittersweet x, hope you enjoyed the chapter, please leave a review, the whole nine yards. :D**

**Gawsh I sound like a flight attendant..**

**Oh, and a BIG BIG HUGE THANKS to the lovely lowi, who is a wonderful person and reviews everything. You get the intangible Medal of Awesome. :)**

**Till next time!**


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

"So, we have this random time-out for what?" Sirius asked indignantly. "And late at night, for what?"

"We need team names!" Fred and George said in unison.

"That's so much more important that sleep?" asked Remus, tapping his foot impatiently. He was in a small blue night-cap, green pajamas, and a fuzzy Hipogriff slippers.

"Well, we kinda need the team names - " 

"All right," cut in Sirius. "We're The Nightcaps of Doom and we call it. Now can we go to sleep?"

"Right. We are the United Oranges!" Fred smiled proudly.

Sirius blinked. "The..what?"

"_You,_" George pointed out, "are named after sleepwear. At least ours is somewhat normal."

"Ha ha ha," said Remus dryly. "Oranges, you guys? Oranges!"

"It would be very stereotypical for us Weasleys, but there is also another reason why we named ourselves after oranges...you just need to wait for the end of this parody," added George merrily.

"OH, THE WONDERS OF A PARODY!" they all sang together.

Suddenly the door flew open 

"."_What _is going on here?" said Snape silkily.

Sirius stepped forward, heart pulsing. "What are _you _doing here, _Snivellus?" _he snarled.

Snape raised his eyebrows. "I," he said lazily, "am getting a report in..or was trying to get it, to Lupin..but I see he is..ah..preoccupied."

"Shut up," growled Sirius."And get OUT of here."

Snape narrowed his eyes, he pivoted on his heel and left.

"Good riddance," Sirius mumbled.

"Sirius! He was supposed to deliver a report!" Remus whispered-yelled.

"He'll deliver it to Molly," Sirius dismissed.

"Sirius!" exclaimed Remus. "You need to stop this! That might've been important!"

"Who _cares?" _growled Sirius.

"I DO!" real-yelled Remus.

"I bet you five Sickles Sirius comes out on top," mumbled Fred.

"You're on."

Remus and Sirius faced each other. "This has been going on since our schooldays," said Remus in a controlled voice, "and it _needs to end._"

"Why?" demanded Sirius savagely. "He's never done anything _not _to deserve it, has he, always calling me _Black _with that idiotic way of his and - "

"It's your NAME!" yelled Remus.

"WELL I HATE IT!' shouted Sirius. "HE KNEW I HATE IT AND THAT'S WHY HE CALLED ME IT! AND HE WAS A GIT! YOU'RE NOT HONESTLY SAYING - "

:"I'M SAYING YOU'RE TWO GROWN ADULTS AND THAT YOUR FIGHTS ARE STUPID AND WHO KNOWS HOW IMPORTANT THAT REPORT WAS?"

"OH YOU'RE ONE TO TALK! YOU'RE WEARING HIPPOGRIFF SLIPPERS!"

"SHUT UP! THEY WERE A GIFT!"

"FROM WHO?"

"...No one.."

The furious look dropped off Sirius's face, immediately replaced by a maniacal gift. "OooooooHHHHHHHHH, REMUS HAS A GIRLFRIEND!" he yelled.

"SHUT UP DOWN THERE OR ELSE I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU ALL IN YOUR SLEEP!" came a scream from above.

There was an immediate silence.

Sirius and Remus grinned at each other. "Sorry for going off on you," said Remus, somewhat sheepishly. "I dunno what came over me.."

"It's fine," said Sirius cheerfully.

Fred and George were very confused indeed.

"Anyways, I _don't _have a girlfriend," growled Remus. "If you _must _know, Tonks gave them to me. For my birthday."

A very mischievious look came on to Sirius's face. Remus hit him. "Tonks is NOT in love with me!" he whisper-yelled.

"I didn't say she was," said Sirius, smiling maddeningly.

The door flew open once more. Sirius and Remus stiffened.

"I thought I might as well drop off the report," drawled Snape, placing a sheaf of paper on a desk, "to Lupin, of course, nothing to do with Black as - "

BOOM.

A cloud of fire and smoke surrounded the room. When it cleared, Snape was dressed in..

a Hippogriff costume!

He took one look at himself, eyes narrowing in horror and fury, and faced Sirius and Remus.

He pointed a shaking finger (claw?) at Sirius. "This is not over," he said in a shaking voice. "THIS IS NOT OVER!"

He ran away.

"Well," said Fred lightly, "that was meant for you two..George, did you mess up the timer?"

"Ah, no," grinned George, slapping his face, "I did..honestly, you two, why in the world did you think we would call you at such a later hour? You - "

His taunt was interrupted by a crack.

"Hi, Dobby," chorused the four.

"Winky, sir!" cried the little House Elf, who was in fact Winky. "Dobby is ill! He has asked me to fill in for you! Do sirs have team names?"

"We're the United Oranges," said Fred helpfully.

"And we're The Nightcaps of Doom," said Remus cheerfully.

Winky jotted something down a piece of paper that materialized from nowhere. " Nightcaps of Doom: One!" she squeaked. "United Oranges: One!"

She disappeared once more.

"Let's go to sleep now," suggested Remus, and they did.

The next morning, at four thirty, two redheaded twins sneaked out of their beds. Their names were Derf and Egroeg Yelsaew and they have no bearing on our story.

OR DO THEY?

They DO!

You see, Derf and Egroeg were actually _Sirius_ and _Remus_ _in disguise. _Why were they wearing disguises?

Well, _duh. _They _were _in the middle of a prank war. _Follow the story, smart one._

"Got the exploding book?" whispered Derf-Who-Was-Not-Derf.

"Got the exploding book," confirmed Egroeg-Who-Was-Not-Egroeg.

"Got the exploding toilet?"

"Got the exploding toilet."

"Exploding doorknob?"  
"Yep."

"And the poster of Viktor Krum?"

"Yeah. Is that everything?"

"Uh huh..okay, TO FRED AND GEORGE'S BEDROOM!"

"LET'S GO!" yelled Remus/Derf.

They tiptoed to Fred and George's room, set up, and made a run for it.

They slept peacefully until ten o'clock. 

That was when the explosion came - and ah, how it came indeed!

There was a CRASSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and a BANNNNGGGGGGGG and a WHOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHHHHH and a _tweet tweet tweeeeeet, _as well as quite a few muffled yells of "BOOOKKSSS!"

Sirius and Remus, who had put their names back properly and undyed their hair, ran eagerly into the real twins' room.

It was just as they'd expected!

The exploding book had exploded fantastically in the centre of the room. Fred and George, who were both stuck helplessly in the Viktor Krum poster, were splattered with ink from it. The doorknob was exploding quietly in the corner, but best of all was the toilet, which was on top of Fred's bed. It exploded dutifully every five seconds, and every time it did so, it splattered paint in the air - paint that formed the words 

THE MARAUDERS ARE THE RULERS OF THE PRANKING EMPIRE!

"YOU GUYS ARE GOING DOWWWWWWWWWN," roared Fred from the poster.

"Shot up, if you please," grumbled the painted Viktor Krum. "I do not enjoy this anyvore van you do."

"Can it," ordered George, who looked highly put out.

"You guys will get down from there in about ten hours," said Sirius lazily, a rather permanent looking grin on his face.

"Give or take, y'know, five hours. Probably give, but you never know.."

Laughing manically, Sirius and Remus high fived and ran out of the room.

Kreacher appeared with a crack. "The silly other house elves is sick, silly house elves, oh how stupid those foul blood traitors are," he was croaking madly under his voice. He raised it. "I am being told to tell you fools the score, oh what would my mistress say, the shame, the shame.."

"Get to the point," said Fred angrily..

"The blood betraying Nightcaps of half breed Doom..two," he croaked. "The blood traitorous oranges..one."

"Very good," observed Viktor Krum.

**A/N: Yo. this is potterride the next one is bittersweet x FYI. Ok here's the people who created the nicknames United Oranges : me Nightcaps of Doom : guess who-it's pretty self-explanatory. Anyways, I barely wrote in this one so all the credit goes to bittersweet -claps - yea but i did write! Oh yea don't listen to bittersweet down there...read as well. And if any of you get a chance please read my drabbles on my account plzzzz. If you do get a virtual Fang hug! - love sigh- p.s Frodo Baggins is MINE...all mine... smile and laugh always**

**good luck with life... :)**

**A/N # 2: Hi all, I don't know why we're both doing author's notes but potterride's like I WANT TO DO AN AUTHOR'S NOTE and I'm like, whatever. Huge thanks to lowi, and potterride keeps saying hurrying up SO THAT'S ALL FOR NOW. Hope you enjoyed, R&R!**  
**no not r&r**  
**just review**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

It had been a full two days and there had been no pranks. Sirius and Remus were getting skeptical, and Fred and George were nowhere to be seen. There were possible reasons why they had gone missing, such as:

1) They died in a hole.  
2) Death Eater were holding them captive.  
3) They had gotten pie on their face and were trying to get it off.  
4) They had gotten sidetracked.

None of these were really possible, except the second and third one.

Oddly enough, Molly was not worried in the slightest. Every time one of the Nightcaps of Doom had asked her where her children were, she had told them they were upstairs in their bedroom, but they were never actually there.

On top of the Disappearing Twins, it was almost time for Harry's hearing, which was quite scary as it was. Everyone was saying they were sure Harry'd come out on top, but no one actually believed that in all. On top of that, Sirius was going slightly stir-crazy, Remus was having to go on more and more missions, and nothing was actually going right at all.

All in all, it was quite tense in 12 Grimmauld.

The point that this chapter is set, Sirius was pretending to read, Harry, Ron and Hermione were doing whatever it is they do (worry, maybe, or drink tea?), no one knew where the heck Fred and George were (except possibly Molly?) and Remus..well, Remus was bored and anxious.

As this werewolf had nothing at all to do, he went into the Corridor of Doom. Let's just call it that. While he was walking on the creaky hallway floor he saw Fred coming down the Corridor of Doom. Fred looked awfully mad, his face was contorted in anger, his fists were clenched, and his eyes were filled with hatred.

"Hello, Fred. I see you are incredibly happy about something," Remus smiled.

"Shove it, Lupin. I'm not in the mood," Fred growled.

Remus sighed,

"I'm not stupid, Fred. I know there's a prank going where I will be going next. Your angry faux mood is just a set-up."

Fred's eyes narrowed. "Oh yes, this is a prank," he said, voice coated with sarcasm. "Of course this is a prank. Because I have no life other than pranks!"

"Well," pointed out Remus, "you don't."

Fred rolled his eyes and stalked off. Remus had never seen him so angry in his life.

"Where's George?" he yelled after him.

Fred spun around, eyes bulging. "I DON'T KNOW!" he shouted before stomping away.

"Ooh," Remus said. "Mood swings." He walked away to go tell Sirius that Orange number one has been spotted on is very angry.

"He's angry?" Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, and I don't think I have never seen him so angry in my life!" Remus threw his hands up in the air for dramatic effect.

"He's probably just having an off-day," Sirius shrugged. "Or, he's just mad that they can't think of a prank. However, we need more evidence! Go find out where Orange number two is, Remus!"

If you didn't catch on by now Orange number one is Fred and Orange number two is George. That's The Nightcaps of Doom's pathetic code names for them.

"Sir yes sir!" Remus saluted.

"Remus, I'm not-oh, never mind! Just go!" Sirius sighed.

Remus ran out of the room, thinking it would be quite hard to find Orange number two, plus he was very nervous that a prank might strike at any minute. Remus was too immersed in his thoughts while walking in the Corridor of Doom, that he didn't see a red-head come down the C.O.D..

"'Scuse me," the red-head mumbled.

"Oh, hi! Orange num-I mean hello, George," Remus looked at George.

"Move," George growled. Remus didn't move one bit.

"How are you doing on this fine day?" Remus smiled.

"Terrible." George answered. Remus was taken aback.

"I see," Remus nodded like George just told him all his problems. "It'll get better. For now just go work on that prank that might strike any minute. Your mood is a dead give-away. How dumb do you guys think we are? Your moods-"

"Shove it. I don't care to hear it right now. Not everything I do revolves around pranks y'know! I have priorities and someone is getting in the way of them! NOW MOVE!" George bellowed, pushing Remus out of the way going in the opposite direction of his room.

"Fred's is in your room," Remus said calmly.

George turned on his heel,

"So?" George snarled, and he stalked away.

"What was that?" Sirius poked his head out of his study when George had disappeared down the Corridor of Doom.

"Something is definitely wrong," Remus sauntered towards Sirius.

"You said Orange number one was mad too, correct?" Sirius stroked his chin.

Remus nodded.

"And Orange number two is mad as well. They are both mad, and none of them are going near each other...OMG THEY'RE IN A FIGHT!" Sirius threw his hands up in the air for dramatic effect, wow, Remus and Sirius should be like the Dramatic Effect Team.

"Omg?" questioned Remus.

"Oh. the wonders of a parody," said Sirius cheerfully."Let's resume."

"No. Way," Remus said. "They can't be! They're best friends! What do you think they are fighting over?"

"Maybe trying to decide what kind of a prank to do. They probably have two different ideas," Sirius suggested.

"They do sleep in the same room, maybe we can go in there at nigh to see what's wrong," Remus offered.

"Yeah, that's what we'll do," Sirius agreed.

Time to Pass the Time: Everyone went down to dinner, Fred and George made no comments or jinxes during dinner. Arthur made lame jokes to brighten the mood. Sirius wanted corn, but Molly said there was none available. Everyone complained how there was no point in socks, and how socks should be banned from this country. Bittersweet x is probably talking about Harry Potter/Sirius Black. Potterride is looking at pictures of her random fictional crushes (Legolas, Frodo, Fang, Fred, George, Aragorn, Fang...).But they are not in this story and they are INSIGNIFICANT.

Back to the Scheduled Plot: It was midnight and Remus and Sirius snuck out of their rooms dressed like ninjas, and met in the COD.

"You ready?" Sirius looked up and down at the COD.

"Yes, let's go towards their room," Remus tip-toed down the COD, trying to avoid as many creaks as possible.

"That is the most stupidest thing I have ever heard!" a voice sounding like Fred's came from their room.

"C'mon, let's see what's wrong." Sirius whispered, drowning out the voice that responded to Fred.

Sirius opened the door; trying not to make a sound. It opened to reveal darkness.

"What the-OOF!" Sirius fell to the ground courtesy of Remus who tripped over the carpet and fell. He crashed into Sirius who fell to the ground along with Remus shutting the door.

"Aw, get off me, Remus!" Sirius said through gritted teeth. "I can't see a damned thing!"

"Sorry 'bout that," Remus mumbled. "What-what's that smell?"

Sirius sniffed the air and smelled a horrible smell. It smelled like a skunk spray and spoiled eggs.

"Ugh! Let's get out of here!" Sirius shouted. He turned the door knob, but the door didn't open.

"Uh, Remus?"

"It's locked? Just do Alohamora!" Remus hissed.

"I-I forgot my wand!" Sirius said.

Remus sighed,

"Fortunately, I brought my wand," Remus whipped out his arm and pointed it at the door knob.

"Alohamora!"

The door opened with a creak, the two of them thought that they would able to smell the fresh, welcoming air, but all they got was pieces of corn-a lot of them- thrown at Sirius and Remus. Then the Nightcaps of Doom felt some sort of licking on their faces, a cold, wet licking on their faces. The creature was eating the corn!

"What is licking me!" Remus yelled out.

"A female deer," a laughing voice answered.

"FRED AND GEORGE!" So much for using code names.

"Get the deer off of us!" Sirius cried.

Fred and George shared a look,

"Nah, we'll leave the deer to finish you guys off," George shook his head.

"Just one question," Remus spoke in between licks. "What's with your room?"

"Right. CUE SOCKS!" Fred shouted at the ceiling.

"OKAY!" The voice of Ginny Weasley called back.

Before Remus and Sirius could react, the smelly socks that were in Fred and George's room, came pouring down on them.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Remus and Sirius cried.

Fred and George were laughing-they were out of the COD though, because it smelled so bad.

"Okay, okay, let's get the deer out of here and Sirius and Remus..not smelling so bad," Arthur directed after a rude/loud awakening of Sirius' and Remus' cries of mercy.

"Alright, Dad," Fred said wiping his tears of laughter from his eyes.

"Sturgis take away the deer, please." Ginny said coming out of Fred and George's room.

"On it," Sturgis ambled in and took the deer away.

"Wait, Sturgis, you're are on, er, duty tonight," Molly put a hand on her hip.

"I got Kingsly to do it," Sturgis said.

"Oh," Molly sighed, still a little annoyed.

"Agh," Sirius groaned. "That stupid deer didn't eat all the corn."

"I smell like mold," Remus complained.

"Worse than that, mate." Sirius said.

"Thanks. We thought you guys were in a fight," Remus said to Fred and George.

"No, we didn't actually say that we were in a fight," George responded.

"You guys acted like it," Sirius grumbled.

"That is called a 'bad mood.' George and I are best friends, we never get into fights!" Fred laughed. "Seriously, we were in a bad mood." Fred added hastily when he saw Remus and Sirius' dubious looks.

"May I ask why?" Sirius raised an eyebrow.

George shrugged,

"This and that, the Prank War and Percy,"

An awkward silence fell over the COD.

CRACK!

"Dobby has come to report the score!" Dobby was dressed in a black suit with a green bow-tie.

"Hurry up, Dobby! I'm have a burning sensation in my eyes!" Sirius hissed.

"Oh, yea, that's a side effect of the smelly socks, you're probably gunna have that got have that feeling for 22 hours." Fred explained.

"Oh, great," Remus grumbled.

"Just report the score, please, Dobby. I'm tired." Ginny crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yes, The Nightcaps of Doom-two. The United Oranges two as well. OOHH a tie for now, with Mr. Harry Potter's hearing coming up, what will happen?" Dobby concluded as he added the suspense in. With his last note he Disapparated.

"That was foreshadowing," muttered Sturgis, who had conveniently returned.

"Well, good night." Ginny hugged her parents and exited the Corridor of Doom.

"I'm gonna go take a shower," Sirius walked away to the bathroom. Remus walked to the other bathroom downstairs.

Fred and George walked away to their bedroom-the smell was gone thanks to Ginny- with smug smiles on their faces.

Molly and Arthur were about to go to bed when they heard,

"UGH! THE STUPID DEER BIT ME!" Remus yelled.

"Oh, God," muttered Arthur.

* * *

**Helllloo, it is Bittersweet x and we have returned from nowhere. Sorry about our perpetual laziness, we kind of suck. Yeah. Potterride mostly wrote this chapter, I only went through and corrected her grammar. She sucks at commas. I really love this chapter and so you should to and go review okay? OKAY? If you don't review I will drop you off the top of a lighthouse. Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna go now. Potterride thinks I'm too threatening. You guys know I'm joking. Oh and she says hi. OKAY I'M GONNA GO NOW. BYE. (Oh and please vote on our poll and also watch out for my new story that'll be up in a few days because it will be massive and amazing. And don't tell potterride I said that. Bye.)  
**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Sirius was in a bad mood. Not a mildly bad mood. Not a slightly bad mood. An absolutely, completely, awful mood.

It seemed to be in the air, he mused annoyedly as he stalked the halls of 12 Grimmauld like some sort of weird stalkerish dude like Edward Cullen or Evil the Evil Evilly who totally exists and is really evil, by the way. BUT ANYWAY.

Remus came round the corner. "You look like a stalkerish stalker, Sirius," he greeted him cheerfully. "Are you okay?"

"NO!" yelled Sirius angrily.

"Well, aren't we antagonistic today," said Remus mildly. "What's wrong?"

Sirius heaved himself down on the ground. "Harry's going to have his trial, and what if he doesn't make it, but what if he does make it, and argh, I'm so mean I shouldn't think like that but I want him to come stay here, and I don't know what the heck to do."

Remus paused.

Then he smiled.

"I do, though," he said evilly, and pulled Sirius up.

Sirius couldn't help but grin. "Shall we prank?" he said cordially.

"We shall indeed," said Remus, grinning. "BUT FIRST," he said quickly, "we should have a meeting.

"Good idea," said Sirius, the grin already on his face. He cupped his hands around his mouth. "EVERYONE PART OF THE NIGHTCAPS OF DOOM," he roared, "ASSEMBLE RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!"

People poured out of the most unlikely places imaginable. Kingsley Shacklebolt, who had signed up last night, came jumping out of a broom cupboard. Tonks dropped out of the ceiling. Moody came thumping in, grunting and muttering to himself. He had signed up at the stroke of midnight a few days ago. Bill Weasley, who had joined a few days ago, came hurtling in from the fireplace like Santa.

"What is it with all the random amazing entrances?" asked Remus.

"It adds effect," said Bill, sweeping soot off of himself.

"Good enough, anyways we have called you all here to discuss-"

Suddenly there was a crash from upstairs.

Bill blinked. "That's my brothers' trademark crash," he whispered to Tonks.

"Why are you telling me this?" Tonks whispered back.

"You're right next to me, who should I tell it to?"

"Uh talk to yoursel- "

"Tonks! Bill!" barked Remus, "Why are you talking during the meeting?"

"Because that's my brother's trademark crash," said Bill, motioning to the ceiling, "and something bad is about to happ - "

"NO, GINNY! DON'T CONJURE UP AN ELEPHANT! NOOOOOOOOO!" came Fred and George's voice from upstairs.

"TOO LATE!" came Ginny's.

You know that feeling when something bad is about to happen-you're anticipating it to be really bad, but it never happens? However, it didn't happen in this case.

An elephant fell through the ceiling.

"Roar," it said.

"Elephants don't roar," commented Kingsley Shackelbolt.

"I do," the elephant answered, "and my name is Tom Bombadil Bilbo Aragorn Legolas III."

"Isn't that from Lord of the Rings?" asked Tonks to no one in particular.

Remus smiled at her. "My thoughts exactly. I love those books."

Tonks flushed pink.

"WHOA! GINNY!" yelled Fred from upstairs. "WE WERE JOKING!"

Bill stood up and put on his most older-brothery voice. "FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY!" he bellowed. "YOU TWO COME DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW! AND YOU TOO, GINEVRA!"

"Ginevra?" muttered Sirius.

"Molly and Arthur can name, all right," muttered Kingsley.

"Uh, Fred? You might wanna watch out for that-" George started, but Fred already dropped down the elephant size hole in the middle of the Corridor of Doom.

"-hole."

"He did say come down," Fred rolled his eyes, while Ginny and George came down more gracefully than Fred.

"Hullo, everybody!" George grinned.

"What is with the elephant?" Bill glared at them.

"Ginny started it!" Fred and George pointed to her.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did-"

"SHUT UP!" Bill rest of the Nightcaps of Doom silently thanked him.

"Just explain why there's an elephant named Tom Bombadil in this house and why is it talking!"

"Well, our dearest little sister," Fred said through gritted teeth. "Was talking about Lord of the Rhinos-"

"Rings," Remus and Tonks corrected together.

"Rings," Fred looked at Remus and Tonks suspiciously. "And how it should involve a monkey and elephant that are best friends. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY. 'Cos it was like, she was talking about how there were some names in the book that could only be fit for an elephant. And the monkey..well, I dunno where that came from. Maybe it was on sale. ANYWAY, George and I were talking about ideas for the next prank, but Ginny kept going on and on about the elephant. Finally, George said just conjure up a stupid elephant, and why don't you make it a _pranking _elephant, I just snickered hoping Ginny wouldn't take us seriously. Then, as always things went wrong and Ginny conjured up an elephant."

"Sometimes, I don't want to know." Kinsley shook his head.

"An elephant and a monkey becoming best friends, Ginny?" Bill stared at her incredulously.

"It should happen!" Ginny crossed her arms of her chest.

George rolled his eyes, "You didn't have to take me seriously!"

"You didn't have to make fun of me." Ginny retorted.

"The important thing right now is how are we going to make the elephant disappear before Molly sees?" Sirius rubbed his head.

"Hey guys - WHOA AN ELEPHANT!"

The sighs vibrating through the room could consequently heard in Colorado.

"Hey, Ron can you stand next to Sirius and that bunch?" Fred asked smiling.

Ron, being Ron, obeyed.

"Why is Ron standing next to us?" Remus asked warily.

"Tom has a cool trick he wants to show you guys," George said.

No one moved-it was like they were bounded by an immobilization spell...

"Okay, Tom, show 'em what you can do!" Ginny shouted. The elephant being as smart as he is, lifted his massive trunk high into the air that took the shape of an S, and squirted not-water at the Nightcaps of Doom.

"Ugh!" the N.O.D groaned, their hands up for protection.

"WHAT IS THIS?" Sirius addressed the not-water.

"We don't exactly know.." said Fred.

"All we know is that it makes your noses turn mauve-fuchsia." Ginny explained.

Bill looked at her, "What's mauve and what's fuchsia?"

"Mauve is purple and fuchsia is a dark pink," Tonks answered instead.

"Just like Sirius' nose!" George laughed. Actually it was more like everyone in the N.O.D noses were mauve-fuchsia.

"Hermione!" Ron yelled down the hall frantically. "Is there a spell to make my nose turn back to it's original color?" .

"I feel like this whole thing is becoming a family affair," Kingsley shook his head, the mauve-pink turning darker on his nose.

"What is will you guys and animals?" Remus said. "First turning Snape into a hippogriff-"

"A hippogriff costume," Fred and George corrected.

Remus waved his dismissively, "Then, the deer eating us, and now the elephant!"

"I prefer to be called Tom, please."

"Right. And I prefer to be called R.J." Remus snorted.

"How are you, R.J?" Tom asked.

"Shut up!" Sirius shouted. Tom silenced. "Now, how do we get rid of this-Tom, before Molly comes back from her duty?"

"And how are we supposed to top the elephant-as a prank?" Tonks asked to no one in particular.

"Put a hat on top of him," Bill shrugged.

Mad-Eye hit Bill on his head, "She meant how to top this prank, Weasley!"

"Oh." Bill rubbed his head.

Sirius shook his head, "I may be living as an outlaw citizen of the Wizarding Community, but-"

"You are, Sirius," Fred chimed in.

"Shush, Orange number one," Sirius said imperatively. "But I still have plenty of tricks up my sleeve. Now get rid of the STUPID ELEPHANT!"

"TOM!" the United Oranges said in unison.

"Shove it. Now excuse me so I can try to get the purple-pink stuff off my nose." Sirius stalked away fuming.

There was a moment of silence.

"Get rid of Tom Orange One and Orange Two! NOW!" Remus said in his I-mean-business voice.

"How are we supposed to get ride of Tom?" Fred asked.

"That's your problem, not ours," Bill called before his disappeared up the fireplace.

The United Oranges looked at each other.

"Ginny, this is all your fault," growled Fred.

"Me?" cried Ginny. "It was your idea!"

"I was kidding, for Merlin's sake! You grew up with me, you should be able to tell when I'm kidding and not kidding!"

"Well, not in the middle of a prank war!"

"GUYS," shouted George.

"What?" Ginny and Fred said in unison.

"Can we focus on getting rid of this elephant?" George said.

"I vote Ginny gets to do the honors," Fred said, pointing at her.

"And I vote Fred to do it," Ginny retorted.

"Ginny, we have to work on another prank. Please just do this, or-or-you're out of the United Oranges!" Fred ordered.

Ginny opened her mouth to retort, but George cut in.

"Nah, she isn't," he said sternly. "I have a better punishment. Ginny, if you don't get rid of that elephant, I'm bringing Mum in."

Ginny's eyes got wide with terror. "You wouldn't."

Fred shrugged. "Actually, we probably wouldn't. Just get rid of the elephant, please."

Ginny sighed and started looking around for elephant hiding places.

* * *

**So guys, there are only six more chapters.**

**-listens evilly to screams of fury-**

**Hee, hee, hee...you see, my lovelies, we are _continuing _this story into a trilogy! (It might have four parts, but we don't know what that's called. Potterride thinks it's a quilligery but she's nuts.) So yeah.**

**Review! :D**

**good luck with life -Bittersweet x and potterride (omg we're actually writing this together!) smile and laugh alwayssss  
**


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

"Dobby is here!" Dobby shouted into the C.O.D.

"Dobby.." Sirius ambled out of his room. "Why are you here at 3:30 in the morning?"

"Dobby was late, Sir. Another point in the Prank War has been awarded to the United Oranges."

"ARGH," shouted Sirius. "Why?"

"Because, Sir," Dobby squealed, "The elephant sprayed water-"

"_It wasn't water._" Sirius snarled. "I meant, why are you here at 3:30 in the morning?"

"I was late-"

"What's going on?" Fred yawned, as him and George and Remus came out into the C.O.D.

"Dobby's here." Sirius grumbled.

"Ah, hullo, Dobby." Remus said, quite cheerfully for a man who has just woken up.

"Hello, Dobby has come to award the point to the United Oranges. The score has-" Dobby was interrupted once more.

"Yes!" Fred and George exclaimed in unison. "We get another point!"

"Oh, shove it!" Remus said.

"The score is...oh where is that parchment? Dobby knows he has the parchment..." Dobby's hands roamed his tiny body looking for the parchment.

"What parchment, Dobby?" Sirius asked irritably.

"The one with the scores on it, Sir!" Dobby said frantically.

"We _know_the score, Dobby. It's three-two, we're winning." Fred gestured between him and George.

"Yes, but there's information you must know," Dobby shook his head vigorously as if the parchment would be in his head.

"Aha!" a piece of paper fell to the ground from Dobby's left ear.

"That's just weird," Remus looked at the paper.

"Dobby doesn't want to guess how that even got there,"

"Neither do we, Dobby." George shook his head.

"Dobby has important information from Prank War leaders!"

"That's nice," said Sirius. "Can't it wait till morning?"

"Technically," said Fred smartly, "it is morning."

"Smartly," growled Remus, "is not a word."

Fred shrugged. "The wonders of a parody?'

Everyone shook their heads. Fred went into the corner of shame.

"ANYWAY," said Dobby importantly, "my news is, that leaders needs to start recruiting Hogwarts students for Prank War!"

"Dobby," said Remus, "please go to a grammar class."

Everyone ignored him. "Why?" asked Fred, crawling out from the COS.

"You were in the Chamber of Secrets?" shouted Sirius.

"No, the corner of shame," said George.

"Oh." said Sirius.

There was a short silence.

"Because," said Dobby squeakily, "summer is almost over!"  
Everyone gasped in shock. "That passed us by _quickly,_" said Fred, awed.

"Yes," squeaked Dobby, "summer is over. But the prank war.." There was a dramatic silence.

Remus thought, awed, about how far they had all come. From being a blue chicken man, to being squirted in elephant goo..they hadn't changed at all, actually, but it's the _principle _of the thing.

Sirius was thinking about potato-burgers-which are like hamburgers, but Wizard-style.

George was impressed with himself and his twin, and certain that they would win. It was gonna be fantastic.

Fred was thinking about how much the prank war had changed their lives, it's the most non-dangerous thing EVER!. Also, butterbeer.

"Why is this so symbolic?" asked Sirius mildly. "There are still about five chapters left."

"STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL," ordered Remus.

"Okay," said Sirius cheerfully.

Dobby nodded. "Good luck," he said quietly. Then he disappeared with a crack.

"So who's up for some jelly beans?" said Fred cheerfully.

Everyone groaned and went back to bed.

**A/N: HEY EVERYONE! WE ARE ALIVE! Actually, this is potterride, THE ONE WHO HAS JUST GOT ON POTTERMORE FOUR DAYS AGO-or so! CAN WE SAY OMG? Good job for the people who actually said 'omg.' Bittersweet and I are on pottermore-I am in Gryffindor, and Bittersweet is in Hufflepuff -go badgers! Bittersweet and I give out uttermost regret that we haven't had to update..we do have chappie eleven too-not done yet, but we're working on it! School and pottermore is kinda a lot right now, but we will try to update more often! Please R&R! Have a great life!**


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Ginny was in despair.

_How, _she thought furiously, _am I expected to hide this stupid ELEPHANT? Where the heck do you hide an ELEPHANT? _

While her brothers, Sirius, and Remus were being all symbolic, she was busy finding a hiding spot big enough for an elephant. She had been doing this all day, ever since Fred and George had threatened her with their mother.

_They won't really do that..but all the same, I don't want to see Mum when she finds out that there's an elephant in the house._

All day, she had the elephant camp out in her bedroom. Since it could talk and was fairly clever, it understood that it wasn't allowed to move. It also made a rather good conversation partner, but it was now tired of staying squeezed under Hermione's bed, and Hermione was bound to come into her room at some point.

Thus, she was standing in the hallway at three a.m, an elephant hiding behind the door, looking desperately for a place to put it.

_Maybe a closet? No. That wouldn't work. Stupid elephant, why did I have to conjure up the stupid thing?_

"I am _not _stupid," said the elephant in a dignified tone.

Ginny turned. "You can read minds?" she said curiously.

The elephant nodded as best an elephant can, its ears flapping. "Dumbledore taught me" he said full of pride.

Ginny pinched herself, then the elephant for good measure.

"Have you ever heard of Fire Peanuts?" asked Tom. "It's what elephants eat these days."

"Can't say I've had the pleasure," said Ginny faintly. "Um..d-do you want any Fire Peanuts?"

"Yes." Tom answered simply. "Also, a sharpie-flavored beer."

"Tom," said Ginny, thinking fast, "can you shrink yourself?"

"Probably," Tom said indifferently. "Dumbledore taught me that, too."

"You _can?_" Ginny almost danced with excitement. "Okay, um, Tom, if you shrink yourself and climb up that chimney over there, I promise you'll have all the beer and, um, fire peanuts you want!" _When you can fetch them yourself, _she thought. She was certain that Tom was just making up Fire Peanuts, and beer was very unhealthy.

"Before I do shrink myself, Fire Peanuts and Sharpie-flavored beer is real. And I really want some."

"Well, Tom, I promise that as soon as I learn the Accio charm I'll buy you some. Now please, get up the chimney."

"Okay," sighed Tom. He squeezed his eyes shut and muttered, "Tomatoes, Elphaba! Green and orange and the number 78.5! CHARLIE WEASLEY."

Ginny waited.

Tom hummed a song that sounded suspiciously like "What is this Feeling" from Wicked.

"That hasn't even come out yet!" said Ginny frustratedly.

"Oh, the wonders of a par.." Before Tom could finish the mantra, he begin to shrink.

And shrink.

And shrink.

Pretty soon, his body was the size of a tiny ant that was not huge at all. So were his ears, his tail, and his toenails.

"TOM THE ELEPHANT!" wailed Ginny desperately. "WHAT KIND OF A SPELL SHRINKS THE ENTIRE ELEPHANT EXCEPT THE _TRUNK_?"

"My trunk is beautiful," said Tom in a dignified voice. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to sing some more Bon Jovi songs.."

He pranced up the nearest chimney, singing what appeared to be a mix of Bon Jovi and Idina Mezel.

"No one's heard of _either _of those yet!" shouted Ginny, throwing her arms up in the air.  
"Oh, the wonders of a parody!" She said unenthusiastically, and walked away wondering why she even signed up for this stupid Prank War.

"Ginny!" Fred shouted.

"Yes?" Came Ginny's small voice from somewhere.

"Did you hide the _thing?_" Fred said.

Ginny came striding into their room-not really coming from any where. "Yes." She said wearing a proud smile on her face.

"Hm, good. Did you make sure that it had all the correct criteria we told you about hiding stuff?" Fred asked, quite solemnly.

"Wow. Both you and George had been paying attention to that lesson Kingsley gave on you on that speaking proper language." Ginny chuckled.

"Ginny," Fred said exasperated. "Please tell me where you hid it. This is important, if someone gets hurt, then..."

"Calm down, Freddie. It's fine! Besides, I put a spell on Tom for him to be reaaaalllllyyyyy tiny-" Ginny used her index finger and thumb to show to create a space between the two fingers to show Fred how tiny.

Fred raised his eyebrows. "That small?"

Ginny nodded.

"Did you put the permanent spell on it?"

Ginny's eyes widened. "You never taught me that!"

"What? You didn't? GINNY! I told you to always put a permanent spell on everything!" Fred threw his hands up in the air-he was clearly part of the Dramatic Effect Team.

"But I like Tom. I don't want him to stay tiny forever." Ginny crossed her arms over her chest.

"There are counterjinxes for _everything_. Besides, it's not like you will have any space to put Tom-he's to big to fit anywhere except where he belongs." Fred sighed.

"Alright. I get it, but we need to focus on the real issue at hand; how long to temporary spells take to go back to normal?" Ginny asked, panicky.

Fred shrugged, and Ginny rolled her eyes.

"Fred!"

"What? It depends. Go ask Hermione and then fix the problem. I will not let Mum find out." Fred stood up from his bed.

"Are you going to help?" Ginny asked hopefully.

"Yes, we are going to help. BUT! If we get caught..." Fred trailed off, thinking of a punishment. "NO MORE RAISINS FOR A YEAR!"

Ginny frowned and nodded.

"OI!" George came into the room.

"Hullo, George." Ginny greeted.

"Yes, hi...Ginny? Did you hide the elephant?" George asked.

Ginny looked at her feet. "Yes, but there's a slight problem."

"We're looking for an elephant with a too-big trunk." Fred whispered to George as they crawled up on the chimney, wands lit.

"What? How does she shrink the elephant but not the trunk?" George asked.

"We're climbing up a chimney, anything is possible."

Silence.

"So, where's Ginny?" George said.

"Asking Hermione how long the temporary spells stays on,"

"This is so stupid! We could walk into a prank! This is the perfect place!" George whispered-yelled.

"Speaking of pranking, we should gather up some ideas while we're here." Fred moved his wand to a spot on the side as if he saw something.

"I was thinking Remus' fib-"

"NIGHTCAPS OF DOOM ASSEMBLE!" An echoing yell sounded.

Fred and George exchanged glances on looked up; a light.

"What the hell? Wait, why is that-AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Bill's voice came from above, but it was coming closer, closer, closer...

"RABID ELEPHANT ON THE LOOSE!"

"Bill?" The twins said in unison as their older brother fell past him.

"What the heck are _you guys _doing here?" Bill called up as he fell down, down, down.."

"We ask the same of you, elder brother," George called back down.

"I," said Bill importantly, "am on my way to a Nightcaps of Doom meeting. B-yyyyyyyyyyyeeeeee!" He slid out of sight.

George looked at Fred.

Fred looked at George.

"He's going to a Nightcaps of Doom meeting," said Fred slowly, a grin splitting his face.

"I think the elephant can wait," said George, smiling evilly. "Don't you?"

"We, my twin," said Fred, an identical evil smile on his face. "are on our way to an infiltration..do you agree?"

"Why, yes," said George, grinning, "I do indeed."

"Why have gathered here today," Sirius started. "To discuss the King of England and how we want independence from Britain."

"Wrong war," whispered Remus.

Sirius shuffled his note cards. "Oh, um. GUYS WE'RE LOSING."

"What we need is a plan!" Remus said forcefully.

"Yes!" agreed Kingsley. "As I will be Minister of Magic after Voldemort - "

Everyone gasped.

"SHHHHH!"

"Um, as a totally normal guy who never becomes Minister, I agree in full! And I - " Kinglsey lowered his voice, looking up and down, "have a _plan._"

In the chimney, Fred and George grinned at each other.

"Wait!" cried Bill suddenly. "My brothers might be listening."

Eerie music sounded.

There was a silence.

"Where is that coming from?" said Remus, bewildered.

"My casette player's broken," said Didalus apologetically.

"Dude, casettes?" said Siirus, unimpressed. "What is this, the 90s?"

Everyone paused.

"Um," said Remus carefully, "yes."

"Oh," said Sirius.

There was an awkward pause.

"ANYWAY," said Kingsley loudly. "My plan." Lighting flashed in that ominous way.

"And," cut in Bill, "the possibility of my brothers listening in on us." Thunder sounded.

Fred, in the chimney, silently disillusioned himself and George

"Is there a storm coming?" Remus looked out the window.

"No, it's sunny out." Tonks replied.

"OH THE WONDERS OF A PARODY!"

"Sometimes," said Sirius in a low voice, "I feel like our whole lives are being controlled by two insane nutjobs clacking away at keys and cackling evilness."

"Nah," said Remus.

"That's nuts," said Kingsley.

"You're losing it, Sirius," agreed Bill.

"Next thing you know, you're going to be naming a fish after yourself."

"That would be awesome!" cried Sirius. "OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS, TOMORROW I'M GOING TO BUY A FISH AND NAME IT SIRIUS. But if it's green, I will call it Elphaba."

Everyone stopped.

"Who's Elphaba?"

Sirius scratched his chin. "I'm not sure. I feel like she's..the Wicked Witch of the West?"

"THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE'RE LOSING!" shouted Kinglsey. "Because we cannot TAKE ANYTHING SERIOUSLY! Sirius, NO JOKES ABOUT YOUR NAME! We _don't even know who the Wicked Witch of the West is, for crying out loud! _Who is she, Voldemort's cousin? If we don't start taking things seriously, I AM JOINING THE UNITED ORANGES!"

There was a silence.

Then, from the chimney, came a wild sound of applause. "WOOOO! YEAHHH! GO KINGSLEY! WE GET THE BRAINS, WE GET THE BRAINS - "

Kingsley smiled, satisfied, strode to the chimney, and yanked a very dusty Fred and a soot-covered George out of it. "And that, my friends," he said to the room as a general whole, "is how you - "

"I swear we had Disillusionment charms on a second ago!" cried George.

"Obviously you two forgot to put the permanent spell on," said Kingsley. "Honestly, you yell at your sister for one thing and you forget to do it yourself!"

"Hang on a second," said Fred after a second. "How did you - "  
"And now," said Kingsley grandly, "the perpetrator behind this prank..TOM THE ELEPHANT, PLEASE SHOW YOURSELF!"

He himself came strutting into the room-as only a fully grown elephant can- proud and looking totally not traitorous like Benedict Arnold.

Wild applause (presumably from Dedalus's broken cassette player) filled the room. Fred and George moaned pitifully.

"Tom, how COULD you!" cried Fred.

Tom- ever so proudly - stuck is non-existent chin up high and said, "It was quite simple, actually. All I did was-"

"We don't care how you did it, just why did you do it?" George cried.

Tom shrugged. "They paid me."

Remus and Sirius stood shoulder-to-shoulder smiling at their brilliance.

"Does this even count as a prank?" Dedalus asked curiously.

Dobby appeared in a flash of green smoke. "Hello!" he said squeakily. "Dobby is here!"

Everyone cheered.

"Dobby has come to give the score!" he squeaked. "The score is now five-three, towards the Nightcaps of Doom!"

"Yeah," said Kingsley in a rather un-Kingsley like manner of satisfaction, "it does, Dedalus. It is."

Dedalus clicked on his cassette player again, and it started to give instruction on how to make pumpkin pie.

Sirius and Remus looked at him weirdly

"It's number two is 'The Wizard and I' song and number four is 'The Prank War' by the Marauders." Sirius said to Dedulus. "Only sells for 5.99 and if you call right now, you will get 50% off! And this special story offer comes with a holiday special called 'My Lily.' You will also get a free carton of eggs! So call right now! This a limited time only, and only for the song 'The Prank War!' C'mon call!"

"Uh, who do I call?" Dedalus asked.

"Not you!" Sirius said. "The general audience!" He pointing to the twins. The twins turned around and shrugged, Sirius was going crazy.

"Anyways, yeah call if you want a copy of that song. And!" Remus said with great excitement. "WE ARE WINNING!" And he left dancing the Macarena out of the room.

"What's he doing?" Fred asked George.

"No idea. Shall we get Ginny and do our sad dance out of here?" George responded.

Fred nodded glumly and called Ginny.

"Let's go," Fred said when Ginny joined them from the floor.

They left dancing the Chicken Dance on one leg.

"This went well," Dobby squeaked. Remus and Kingsly agreed. "When do I get my payment in chocolates?"

Remus' eyes widened. "Oh,er, look Dobby," Dobby turned to Remus, eyes wide and glossy, he couldn't resist not giving him the chocolates. "A RABID DUCK OVER THERE!" Remus pointed to the window. Dobby turned and Remus made a run for it.

"I feel like Remus has been becoming more and more bird-like every day," Kingsley remarked rubbing his chin. He shrugged and walked out the room leaving Dobby looking for the duck and Dedalus singing _For Good_off-key.

**A/N: Omg we are the most sorriest people on the planet! We're so sorrryyy for not updating like sooner...heh. But, we hope you forgive us by laughing so hard at this chapter. Trust us, the next chapter will make you cry with laughter. Please review! And please forgive :)..oh and btw we wrote a second story such an accomplishment. It is. Please REview that too! thankssss**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"So, how about that war, eh?" said Ron, reclining on his bed.

Hermione was perched at the edge of Harry's bed lost in a book. She looked up. "Which one?" she asked, a smile playing across her lips.

Harry laughed. "Seriously, what is with all the wars these days? Isn't one enough?"

"I'd prefer just one," sighed Hermione. "And I think we all know _which _one.."

They shared sad looks.

"We're at war, aren't we?" said Harry quietly.

"It's hard to believe sometimes," said Ron, stretching out on the bed, "what with _our _war going on, that…out there, _that's _going on."

They were silent for a time.

"It's almost time to go back," observed Hermione.

"Yeah," said Harry, not looking too pleased. "And my hearing is soon, too."

Hermione put a hand on his shoulder. "They _can't _find you guilty, Harry, not if they abide by their own laws," she said for what was probably the millionth time, but she herself looked very troubled. "At least..." she trailed off.

"Don't worry about it, mate," said Ron. "Even if you do get expelled, you can become, like, a scorekeeper for the prank war!"

He'd meant it as a joke, but Harry didn't say anything.

"Only joking," he said quickly, after Hermione kicked him.

Harry shrugged. "It's fine," he said quietly. "Let's just - "

Suddenly the door burst open and in came Dobby wearing a top hat, followed by Sirius, who looked both apprehensive and interested, then Fred, who looked ready for a war. Remus and George were right behind them.

"Gentleman!" cried Dobby, very squeakily. "The auction for Ron Weasley will commence in three - two - one - "

"What?" said Ron, bewildered.

"FIVE GALLEONS!" bellowed Fred.

"And we're starting at five galleons, do I have anything else, do I - ten galleons from Sirius! Yes ten galleons, good, good, come on gentleman we can go higher than that, I will not - fifteen! Twenty!"

"Fifty galleons!" shouted Sirius.

"Fifty galleons is the highest bid so far! Anyone going over, anyone anyone anyone?"

"Seven hundred galleons!" screamed George."We bid SEVEN HUNDRED GALLEONS!"

"No we don't!" yelled Fred. "He's delirious! He means, uh, seven hundred knuts!"

George leaned over and whispered in his twin's ear. "Do we even have seven hundred knuts?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure we don't have seven hundred galleons." Fred gave a pointed look. "But I think we have sponsors. Which reminds me, we gotta get McGonagall."

"Oh! Okay," said Dobby merrily. "But we don't use knuts so your bid is null. NEXT!"

"Seventy five!" shouted Sirius.

"Ninety galleons," called Fred desperately, looking at George. _There goes our shop._

"WAIT A SECOND," screamed Ron.

Everyone fell silent.

"What," said Ron, "is going ON?"

"Isn't it obviously, Ronald?" said Hermione, lips twitching slightly. "They're auctioning you off."

"Why aren't they auctioning Harry or _you _off? WHY ME?" Ron cried.

"You think he would like the special attention," Remus mumbled.

"Well I don't," growled Ron. "Why can't I _choose _which side to be on?"

"Because you suck," said Fred. "Ninety galleons! George, write McGonagall!"

"I do not suck!" cried Ron.

"You sort of do, Master Wheezy," said Dobby apologetically. "Ninety galleons, going once, going twice, sold to the men on the left with the red hair!"

"Now wait one second!" Ron yelled, flailing his arms in the air. "I want to decide where I want to go, now be _auctioned off_."

Exasperated sighs rang out around the room. "Ron," said Remus patiently, "this is in Clause 8, section 9 of the Prank Constitution. Little brothers of team leaders cannot simply _choose. _They will be biased because they won't know where to go; to their best friend's godfather's side or their brother's side. So, we do the deciding _for _them."

"But," Ron countered. "You're _bidding_me off. That's not the same thing as deciding."

Remus shrugged. "Can't argue with the rules, mate." He pointed to his opponents. "Off you go."

Ron hung his head and went to his beaming brothers.

"Do you think we can push our luck and get Hermione?" George whispered to Fred.

"Maybe," Fred said. "But I'm not betting anything."

"Do you think we'll get Hermione?" Sirius asked, clearly annoyed that they didn't get Ron.

"Yes, and we need sponsors." Remus said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I was thinking about Flitwick."

Sirius nodded his head. "Interesting,"

"Well," Hermione said loudly. "I choose..." Her eyes darted between the two parties, and swallowed. "United Oranges."

Ron visibly perked up. "Really?"

Hermione walked over and stood by Ron as Harry gave her a quizzical look and walked to his godfather.

"Ha! Yes!" Fred high-fived his brother. "We're totally gonna win this war!"

Remus rubbed his neck and gave Sirius an exasperated look.

"Well," Dobby squeaked. "If these are the final teams Dobby shall collect his ninety galleons and go to the Finalizing of Prank Teams department to get the list updated, and-"

"Wait!" Hermione yelled.

Everyone looked at her.

"I, uh, want to uh, change my team," she said quietly. "I want to be on Sirius' team."

The temperature dropped.

"Is it just me or did the temperature like dramatically change? I'm suddenly freezing." Sirius shivered.

Everyone murmured in agreement.

"Anyways," Remus said, waving his wand and fixing the heating. "Hermione just said she's on our team, Dobby Sir. Excellent choice, Hermione."

Hermione blushed and walked to the other side of the room, tripping over her book.

"But-no! You were on this team! Remus you said stuff about Clause eight and how it's like Mount Doom!" Ron cried.

"Technically," Remus said smartly. "I said Clause eight applied to your situation, and unless you withhold the One Ring, Mount Doom is forever at peace."

George sighed. "Ron, it's okay. We'll win this prank war and then you'll see you made the right decision. And Hermione isn't your wife or anything, there's no secret tension."

Suddenly, there was tension between the two teams, but no one knew about it because it was secret.

"Yeah. Whatever," said Ron. "We'll win."

Silence.

"So," Dobby tapped his foot. "Can Dobby please go to the Finalizing of Prank Teams department, now? Oh, and Dobby needs his ninety galleons." He stuck his small hand out to Fred and George.

"Fred?" George moved back a little bit. "Pay the good man."

Fred shot his twin a panicked look. "Um," he said, searching wildly for an excuse, "well you see we don't have..ninety galleons.._at this point in time.._"

Dobby crossed his arms across his lime yellow sweater. "I mean no disrespect, sir," he said in an extremely squeaky voice that indicated that all he meant was disrespect, always, _forever, _"but Dobby does need his ninety galleons. And Dobby seems to recall that in Clause 8, Section 12 of the Prank Constitution, there was a footnote of a footnote in fine print that made it apparent that all debts must be paid in full or there would be a forced and automatic forfeit of the team that had the debt in question."

"We'll negotiate," said George desperately. "We will have the Galleons by the end of the year. Swear it. Hold us to it. We'll sign a contract, we'll sign it in _blood, _just - we don't have - "

Dobby surveyed the twins dubiously. "All right, then," he squeaked. "Dobby will alert the Finalization committee."

"Who are they?" asked Harry, looking confused.

"The Finalization committee is being Dobby, Winky, Kreacher, and a human," explained Dobby.

"Which human?" asked Hermione, intrigued.

Dobby grinned evilly. "It is being a secret!" he sang. "And, just for a reminder, the current score is being Nightcaps five and Oranges three!"

He did a quick Macerena and then disappeared with a crack.

"Well," said Remus, "I'm gonna go get some fiber one bars..coming, Sirius?"

"I'm gonna go bother Kingsley," said Sirius cheerfully, bouncing out of the room behind Remus.

"And we have to go find some sponsors," said Fred glumly. "_Ninety galleons, _honestly.."

"You could take it out of some money that some person happened to give you a while ago," said Harry vaguely, not meeting anyone's eye but focusing on a piece of carpet a few inches from Fred and George.

George sighed. "No," he said sadly. "If hypothetically we had that which we do not, it would already have been given for a down payment for a shop."

He and Fred danced tragically out of the room once more.

The Golden Trio were left alone once more, Harry and Hermione on one side of the room, Ron on the other.

Ron and Hermione didn't look at each other, instead, they both looked at Harry, each slightly pink.

"Well," said Harry, biting back a smirk, "I guess that's the way things work in war."

"Um, yes," stammered Ron. "That is - raw. I mean war. I mean, there's no secret tension! None at all! Ha, ha, ha!"

He ran away.

Hermione looked at Harry, and then she ran away as well.

Harry shook his head and sat down heavily on the bed, sighing. There was still a palpable amount of secret tension in the air.

He smiled.

**A/N: Hullo! And we're back! Technically, we've been back but with bittersweet taking forever to write this one - pointed look at her - our apologies. Well, I can't really talk because I take a long time too to write chappies. But we've been mourning over the death of a beloved Sheriff Graham, who has served his long time duty in Once Upon a Time. ANYWAYS. Happy New Year and all that! Hope 2012 rocks and will not end. But that's another thing. Please do not expect any updates until _after_ midterms, we might be happy enough to update when midterms are over. But until then, savor this update...and R&R! btw, we changed our name-please do not be alarmed it is still bittersweet and potterride :) Oh, and before any of you Ron Weasley fans come and hunt us down, we love Ron and do not think he sucks...he's quite awesome, thank you very much. So bye!**

**-Weasley- Black Inc.**


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

"Hullo, Sirius!" Remus greeted Sirius.

"Hello," Sirius replied back.

"Are you in a good mood? Or should I say-I pranking mood?" Remus suggested nudging his fellow Marauder in the ribs.

"Do you have an idea in mind?" Sirius asked.

"No..." Remus said woefully. Sirius hung his head-he was mildly depressed.

"What about your Fiber One bars?" Sirius said.

Remus stared at him.

"What about my Fiber One bars?"

"Have you eaten your daily two today?" Sirius reminded.

"No." Remus sighed. "They can get quite revolting after a while."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Then why do you eat them, then?"

"We went over this; it's good for your body and brain," Remus said.

"I don't how something that is for your _digestive_ system, is good for your brain," Sirius smirked. "And if it was good for your brain, we would have a prank right now!"

"Shut-WAIT! THAT'S IT!" Remus shouted at the ceiling. They both just kind of stood there for a moment.

"Remus, mate, I know it's your dream to think of something evil and have lightning strike. Let's face it, you're not the Regurgitator," Sirius shook his head.

"..."

"Ah, never mind.." Sirius said uncomfortably. "Will you tell me your idea?

"I don't exactly have an idea, but I do have a way we can get an idea!" Remus grinned.

Sirius grinned. "Please. Do go on."

"First, I need to go eat some Fibre One bars, you know, to get my brain-"

"Just go eat before we come face to face with another prank, you dieting idiot," Sirius said wearily.

"IT'S MY BRAIN FOOD, SIRIUS!" Remus called as Sirius walked off.

Remus was just about to enter the kitchen, when he stopped abruptly over the threshold.

"This seems ominous," Remus said to no one. He sniffed the room for any Dung Bombs, or foreign objects. After he meticulously searched every corner, he walked stealthily to the cabinet where is Fiber One bars were.

"Ah," he said, pulling one out of the beige box. "No matter how horrible you can get, you are my brain's power." He started to rip off the wrapper.

Sirius was in his study looking over his books that he should pretend to read for today.

"Hmm, what book should I pretend to read today?" he wondered out loud. He fingers roamed the spines of each book on his shelf, and stopped at a bright green one.

"Who is Rowl-"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A piercing girl-like shriek came from downstairs.

Sirius- and everyone else in the house ran down the stairs, wands out and ready.

"Ginny?" Fred called.

"Ginny?" Molly called.

"GINNY!" Ron shouted.

"I'm right here," she huffed indignantly. "Why do you all expect me to scream?"

"Because you would probably scream at some spider, or something," George said.

"Spiders?" Ron whimpered loudly.

"Ron! Shhh! The intruder might hear you." Aurthur scolded. "Okay, on my signal. One...two...THREE!" And they all jumped over the threshold into the kitchen, where a very horror-stricken Remus stood.

"Remus?" The all questioned in unison.

"Oh, um, hullo," he said awkwardly.

"You screamed?" Sirius asked, trying to contain his laughter.

Remus scowled and looked at the Fiber One bar in his hand, menacingly. The other followed his gaze.

"Is the Fiber One bar, _him?_" Ron asked quietly. "_He-who-must-not-be-named?_"

"Ron," Fred sighed. "I don't think _he_ can make a Poly-juice potion for becoming a Fiber One bar."

"Well, you never-"

"Shush, you two." Tonks said and walked over to Remus. "Remus? What's wrong?"

"T-this Fiber One bar..." Remus whispered. "ALL IT IS A MARSHMALLOW BAR! NO OATS AND CHOCOLATE!" Everyone flinched at the sound of his voice. "I. Hate. Marshmallows." He continued glaring at the two red-head twins.

"Remus, I'm sure the other ones in the box," Tonks said, ripping another one open to find the same result.

"They're all marshmallows," she said quietly.

Remus pursed his lips. "Sirius?"

"Yeah, mate?"

Remus gave his friend a smile, "Let's go find me some more Fiber One bars."

Sirius smiled, knowing that was there code phrase for "Let's go plan a prank." Though, they didn't know what was up with the Fiber One bars, and knew there was some glitch, but it didn't really matter.

"Who knew Remus could scream like a girl?" George snickered.

Tonks glared, her hair turning red. "Let me just tell you that Remus and Sirius will kick _your butts_ in this war," she snarled, turning her back on them to leave.

Remus was pacing Sirius's room furiously as Sirius sat on his bed, pretending to read.

"IMMORAL!" he was shouting. "Absolutely immoral! Just like cloning! A man without his Fiber One Bars is a man without his LIFE! And a man, who takes away a man's Fiber One bars, or, turns them into marshmallow bars, is NO BETTER THAN A MURDERER!"

Sirius looked up. "You know you just went from immoral, to cloning, to fiber one bars, to murders? I mean who does that, mate? A blue chicken?"

"If you recall, Sirius," Remus stopped pacing for a second and looked at his best friend. "I was a blue chicken."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "My point is, you can live without your Fiber One bars, if not, then you'll go through withdrawal. Not the worst thing in the world."

Remus cocked an eyebrow. "How do you go through Fiber One withdrawal?"

Sirius waved his hand dismissively. "Details, details," he said airily. "But anyway - "

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in," called Sirius.

Tonks opened the door and walked in."Morning, chaps. How we doing on this fine afternoon?"

"Well," Sirius started as Remus started to pace again. "I am doing fine, but I can't say the same about Moony here."

"Well - " Tonks began, but she stopped. "Oh,hello, Remus. What are you doing here?"

Remus felt himself go slightly red. "Uh, what are you doing here?" he asked pleasantly.

"Wanted to check up on things," Tonks stammered. "Wanted to see how well you were doing with your Fiber One withdrawal."

Sirius chuckled. "See, Moony? Tonks and I think alike; you are going through a Fiber One withdrawal."

Remus glared at him. "You know, Padfoot-"

"Boys," Tonks interrupted. "I came here to discuss what is your plan for the next prank?"

Remus and Sirius exchanged looks. "We haven't exactly thought about one..." Remus trailed off.

Tonks shook her head. "You guys have to win this war!" she said.

"We've been busy," Sirius said nervously.

Tonks raised her eyebrows to say, _Go on_.

"You see, dear Tonks," Sirius got up and went to her. "In the world of pranking one must keep his hobbies. For example, my hobby is reading-"

"_Pretending _to read," Remus interjected.

"Right. And reading, er pretending to, helps generate more pranking ideas. Understand now, niece?"

Tonks gave an exasperated sigh. "Well if that's your excuse. What his?" She pointed at Remus.

"Mine? Well, uh, I was eating my Fiber One bars to, yknow, generate idea as well. It's my brain food,"explained Remus.

"No," Sirius said abruptly, "Remus has been too busy - "

"SHUT UP, SIRIUS," shouted Remus.

Tonks looked at him oddly. "Um, okay," she said. "Well, I'm going to go eat some chocolate now. Bye!"

She walked out of the room. Remus sighed, then glared at Sirius.

"What?" said Sirius innocently.

"You," growled Remus, "were going to say something about how I am - how I - "

"How you're in love with my cousin?" said Sirius wryly. "Actually, I wasn't, but sure, if you want to go there - "

"I am not," said Remus murderously, "in love with your cousin!"

"That's a shame," said Sirius seriously. "Because she is quite obviously in love with your face!"

"SHE - wait, what?" said Remus, caught off guard.

Sirius smiled evilly. "Well, yes," he said. "And presumably the rest of you. I can't imagine why.."

"Wait! What?" Remus cried. "How do you - "

"Now, there," said Sirius admonishingly. "We need to be planning pranks!"

"But - "

"I thought you weren't in love with her?"

"I'm not!"

"Well then!"

"Argh! I hate you!"

"Now, channel that hate into something good. Like pranks!"

Remus sighed resignedly. "Alright, alright,"

As they began to plan, Sirius smiled evilly. Everything was going splendidly..

_Time to pass the time_: Hello, yes! We are now going to do a time lapse! Arthur and Molly make brownies. And Tonks announces that there are Fiber One Brownies! Remus takes a bubble bath while thinking about how to get Fiber One brownies. Fred and George are oddly silent, and Ron eats a lollipop while Hermione is mysterious and secret tension abounds, secretly. And Bittersweet x is probably conversing with potterride's imaginary brothers, and potterride is raiding her health class tissue box.

This has been a report from your favorite host..TIME!

_Back to your not regular scheduled program_: Sirius was in his room, again, with a book in his lap and his eyes scanning aimlessly on the page. He was pretending to read.

"Three, two, one..TURN THE PAGE!" Sirius shouted and turned the page. Of course nothing happened while he turned the page, BUT SOMETHING DID HAPPEN!

Remus opened the door, striding in, fresh and clean from his bubble bath. "Oh for the love of pete, do you even _actually_re-WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?"

Sirius had turned five pages since Remus came in and his hair was the color of elephants - in other words, shockingly.._grey._

"What do you mean what happened to my hair? Is it green? Because that happens sometimes."

"No," Remus said, horrified. "It's-it's GREY!"

"What?" Sirius scrambled off his bed and ran frantically around the room to find a mirror.

"GINNY! WHERE ARE YOU? I NEED A MIRROR!" Sirius shrieked.

Tonks came in. "I have a mirror," she said. "What happened to your hair?"

"I don't know, that's why I need a mirror!" he cried.

Remus didn't look at Tonks. "Um, hello, Tonks," he said nervously.

Tonks didn't look at him back. "Um, hello, Remus," she said nervously.

"STOP BEING SECRETLY TENSE AND GIVE ME THE MIRROR," shouted Sirius, flailing his arms around like a Jon Skindizier post.

Tonks pulled a mirror from her pocket and handed it to him, still not looking at Remus. "Very nice.._weather _we're having," she said carefully.

"Boxes," said Remus, nodding wisely. "THAT WAS NOT WHAT I MEANT TO SAY," he added hastily.

The secret tension was interrupted by an earth-shattering scream. "MY HAIIIIIIR!" wailed Sirius. "It's GREEEEEY!"

"Yes, I know," said Tonks. "Aren't you a bit young to be greying?"

"YES!" shouted Sirius. "THIS IS CLEARLY THE WORK OF FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY. I'M GOING TO KILL THEM WITH FIRE."

"That's a bit - "

"- harsh - "

"- excessive - "

Remus and Tonks finally looked at each other. They both went very red. "Um, sorry," Remus mumbled.

"ARGH!" Sirius cried.

"Sirius," Remus raised a finger. "You can only have one exclamation point."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" Sirius shouted again, with no pun intended. "WHERE IS MY HAIR-DYE?"

"Er," Remus said tentatively. "You don't own any?"

"Well, I should." Sirius stomped his foot, trying to rip the hair out.

"Sirius," Tonks said. "This is a prank, I don't think ripping it is gonna do anything."

Sirius' shoulders slumped in defeat. "Get in here you stupid vitamin C."

As if they were listening the whole time, Fred, George, and Ginny walked into the room smiling.

"You called us, Siri?" George asked with a mocking smile playing on his lips.

Sirius scowled.

"And we aren't vitamin C," Ginny said. "We're more like vitamin K."

Remus looked at her. "Vitamin K? Wow, Ginny, you are much smart-"

"Shuddup, Moony," Sirius snapped and Remus quieted. Sirius turned to the Vitamin K. "Fix this," he snarled.

"Fix what?" Fred asked.

"My. Hair."

George snapped his fingers. "That's what different! It's good look for you, Sirius."

Sirius glared and his fingers itched to jinx them. "FIX THIS!" he roared.

Ginny looked slightly frightened. "Yeah, Fred and George, fix this- I mean him- I mean his hair."

"Uh," Fred said.

"Fred?" George turned to his twin.

"I handled Dobby." Fred backed away. "You handle this."

"I don't care who does it, I just want this back to my wonderful, silky-smooth hair!" Sirius fretted with his hair.

Remus snorted. "I don't think it's silky-smooth."

"You're just jealous," Sirius waved his hand dismissively. "Just fix this!"

George ran a hand through his hair. "Well, you see..." He struggled to find the right words. "Ginny, uh, accidentally thought that she had to put a permanent spell on _everything_...so she accidentally put a permanent on your hair..."

Fred and Ginny cringed and backed away, knowing what was gonna happen.

"WHAT?" roared Sirius

"This is so not gonna end well for them," Remus whispered to Tonks.

Tonks gave him a look that said, _ya think?_

"I'm sorry?" Ginny tried.

Sirius' eyes softened because he knew she didn't mean it, but Fred and George they deserved whatever Sirius' bare hands wanted to do.

He started to advance on the twins. "You stupid VITAMIN C!"

"Run, GEORGIE!" Fred ran out of the room.

George looked at his stumbling twin and ran out of the room, only to be stopped by Kreacher with a bow-tie.

"Get back in there, you traitorous prats." Kreachers pointed a bony finger to Sirius' bedroom.

Fred and George ambled back-behind Kreacher- to the bedroom.

Sirius glared murderously at the twins.

"New look, Kreacher?" Remus cocked an eyebrow at the bow-tie.

Kreacher frowned. "Dobby says we must dress formally."

Remus nodded solemnly, not wanting to get Kreacher upset.

"Just get on with the score," Sirius mumbled impatiently.

"Yes," he said croakily. "it is a tie."

Fred and George slapped silent high fives and Sirius groaned.

"Well, this is very anti-climatic," Tonks observed. "I'm going."

"Wait, Tonks!" Remus called out, not sure why he did.

Tonks halted in her tracks and turned around. "Yes, Remus?"

"Uh," He stalled, not wanting to meet Sirius' half-amusing, half-scornful eyes. "Did you ever find those Fiber One brownies?"

Ginny furrowed her eyebrows, but didn't say anything.

"Oh, I forgot to look...I'll look for it next time..." Tonk answered awkwardly.

"Yeah, uh, thanks.."

The secret tension settled over everyone again, but no one knew about it, because it was secret.

"Oh, and this was the last prank until school. So no more pranks until then." Kreacher said in his scratchy voice, and with one final look at everyone, he walked out.

"So," Sirius said conversationally after Tonks and Kreacher left.

"When's the wedding, Lupin?" Fred smirked.

Remus turned toward Orange one. "Shove off."

George and Ginny snickered.

"I don't like her!" Remus protested.

George sobered up. "We weren't talking about you and Tonks...we were talking about your love for Fiber One stuff...but you like TONKS?"

Remus flushed bright red. "I'm leaving," he declared. "Padfoot, enjoy your new hair style."

"He likes TONKS?" cried Fred as Remus walked out of the room huffily, slamming the door.

"You know what I _don't _like?" said Sirius poisonously.

"Um," said Fred. "Chocolate?"

"Because some people do not like it," said George wisely.

"Another tactic," said Sirius. "You know what I _do _like?"

"Chocolate?" suggested Ginny.

"Because some people do like it," said Fred wisely.

"No," said Sirius in a scary quiet voice. "I like..black..hair."

"You know," said Ginny, "black hair doesn't actually exist because the human body cannot produce black pigment because black doesn't really exi - "

"My hair," said Sirius loudly, "was black. It was the most amazing head of hair ever. Do you know, Weasleys, when I was in Hogwarts, every single person was jealous of my hair? I kid you not. Every. Single. Person. Was jealous of my amazing, dark, BLACK hair. It was so perfect."

"Um," said Fred nervously, "but Siri - "

"It ALSO," shouted Sirius, "was, at times, one of the few things that distinguished me from a certain someone. DO you want to know who that certain someone is?"

"No," said Ginny, as she backed up behind George.

"Some people called him Greg," said Sirius in the same deadly calm voice, "but I..I called him Regulus."

There was a splitting silence. And splitting secret tension. But no one knew about it because it was secret.

"He was my brother," said Sirius. "And I did not like him one little bit. And, by fate's cruel hand, we looked very alike, my brother and I."

"My brother and _me,_" whispered Fred.

"But his hair," said Sirius loudly. "WAS DARK BROWN."

"Heh," George chuckled weakly. "It's just like mine and Fred's hair...except we both have orange hai-"

"I DON'T CARE!" Sirius roared. "ALL I CARE ABOUT IS MY HAIR AND ITS SILKY SMOOTHINESS! WHAT DON'T YOU GET ABOUT THIS? YOU SHOULD NOT TAMPER WITH OTHER PEOPLES HAIR! IT'S JUST RUDE!"

"So rude," agreed Fred.

"And we will never do it again," promised George.

"And my brothers are such wimps," Ginny laughed out loud.

"Excuse us?" Fred and George said in unison.

"Well, it's just that, what can Sirius do to you?"

"A lot of things," Sirius said darkly.

"And you won't," snapped Ginny.

"And why not?" Sirius challenged.

"Because as long as my mum is alive, you would never lay a hand on us...well excluding pranks."

"Care to test that?" said Sirius murderously.

"No," said Fred and George in unison.

"Yes," muttered Ginny. She yawned. "I'm gonna go tease Tonks," she said cheerfully, bouncing out of the room.

"Well," said Sirius coldly, "I may not lay a hand on Ginny..because hitting a girl is against the Prank Rules and my morals. But you two are not girls...so my morals don't come into play."

"Okay!" cried Fred. "Okay, I swear, we'll change your hair back!"

"By sunset," growled Sirius. "Or _else._" He pulled his wand out of his pocket and twiddled it. "I _am _a mass murderer, you know."

"No you aren't," said Charlie, wandering in.

"Charlie!" cried Fred and George in unison.

"When did you get back?" asked Sirius, momentarily deterred as Fred and George attacked their brother.

"Get _off, _you monkeys - you've gone a bit grey, Sirius!"

"Shut up."

Charlie laughed. "Anyways," he said. "I had some time off work, so I came to see you guys and join this prank war you're all on.."

"Oh!" Sirius put his wand away and sauntered to Charlie. "Tell me, Charles, what side would you like to be on?"

"Well," said Charlie, "I hear good ole Tonks is part of this war?"

"Yes!" Sirius cried. "She's on our side!"

"Well, then, I s'pose i might as well join her," said Charlie with a wry grin.

"Oooh," said Fred and George.

Charlie clapped them both over the head. "Idiots," he said affectionately. "She's my best friend..anyway, I hear she likes _your_ best friend, Sirius?" He grinned. "Ha, ha, I will _kill _her about that!"

Sirius grinned and put an arm around Charlie's shoulder. "You'll fit in very well, mate," he said cheerfully. "But remember, there's a No Dragons rule in the prank constitution."

"I know," sighed Charlie. "Oh, well..anyway, Sirius, I swear your hair was black when I visited at the beginning of the summer?"

"It was," growled Sirius.

"We're going out to buy some heavy-duty black dye right now," promised Fred. He and George ran out of the room.

Charlie cocked an eyebrow. "Are my brothers giving you a headache already?"

Sirius smiled ruefully. "Do you not see these gray hairs?"

The two laughed cheerfully. They didn't know each other too well, they'd only met for a brief few weeks at the beginning of the summer, but they liked each other all right, and Charlie was friendly enough to like pretty much everyone.

"Let's go tease Tonks about Remus," suggested Charlie.

"Okay!" sad Sirius happily. And, gray hair temporarily forgotten, he and Charlie danced out of the room.

**A/N: Before I forget Bittersweet says "Hi!" she is writing chapter fourteen of the prank story! Yes, this one took a while to write because first midterms, and second this chapter was so much dang fun to write! Oh, btw, Greg is what I call Regulus. Anyways, any of our regulars who read this know that this _part _of the prank story will be ending in two more chapters, then we shall start the next one. Sigh, bittersweet x and I can't wait 'till chappie 15 of this part, and then we cannot wait 'till part two of the prank story. Hope you all stay with us 'till then! Thanks for reading! R&R!**


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The next few hours were gleeful as Charlie went through the house, meeting up with his family once more. Molly cried with happiness, Arthur was so besides himself with surprise that his glasses fell off, and Ron was delighted. Dumbledore had Charlie assigned to foreign relations, so they all thought he would be staying in Romania for quite a while. Thus, they were all delighted when he came for a visit, though no one knew what Dumbledore would say.

Of course, the sweetest reactions were from Ginny and Tonks.

Ginny was in the room she and and Hermione shared, sprawled over her bed reading an old magazine, hair pinned onto her head for the heat, humming quietly to herself when there was a knock on the door.

"C'min," she called lazily, letting her hair down and doing it back up.

Sirius entered. "Hey, Ginny," he said cheerfully.

Ginny analyzed him. "Y'know, you really should do something about that hair."

Sirius scowled for a moment, then regained his smile. "I've got a surprise for you."

Ginny flicked her magazine to the side and got to her feet, crossing her arms loosely across her chest. "Do you really?" she drawled.

Charlie peered around the door. "Hey, Gin!" he said cheerfully.

Ginny's eyes widened and flickered with happiness. Her mouth formed a small 'O' as she took it all in. One of her eldest brothers who she practically never saw was there. Right in front of her, smiling. She had to be dreaming.

Her face split into a grin.

"Charlie!" she screamed as she ran towards him, flinging her arms around his neck and burying her face in his chest.

"Hey," he said softly, and put his arms around his sister's body.

Sirius smiled and motioned for Hermione to follow him out. They quickly left leaving the Weasleys to themselves.

The two Weasleys stood there, holding each other. Ginny realized that she really did not realize how much she would miss her brothers until they returned. She was always harping about how she missed Bill - but Charlie..she never even noticed how much it bothered her that he was gone, until he returned.

"How long are you staying?" Ginny asked in a small voice, to scared to hear the actual answer.

"Long enough to hug you every _single day_." Charlie whispered.

Ginny grinned and swatted gently at her brother. "Sop," she said, and kissed his stubbly cheek. "Let's go get dinner."

Charlie smiled and shook his head. "There's one more person I have to meet first."

There was a knock on the door.

"C'min," called Tonks. She turned her hair pink again - she'd been experimenting for a little while, but she didn't really want Sirius - who it was bound to be - to see her with bright green polka dotted hair. That would be a bit embarrassing.

Or maybe it was Rem -

_Get a grip on yourself._

The door swung open. Tonks looked up - and her mouth dropped.

Charlie leaned in the doorway with a sunny smile. "Hullo, Tonks!"

Tonks stared at him for a moment.

There he was, standing in front of her, the boy who she saw last going off to Romania to pursue his career in dragons. The boy she remembered, so clearly, hugging desperately and waving goodbye to at Kings' Cross for the last time before going home, perhaps even crying though she'd never admit it. The boy she dreamed of seeing again, but never did. Until now.

She flung herself off her bed, stood up straight, marched over to him, and slapped him.

"Took you long enough!" she exclaimed before hugging him.

Despite his stinging cheek, Charlie laughed. "Nice to see you haven't changed, _Nymphadora_."

"Don't make me slap you again, you good for nothing oaf," Tonks threatened.

Charlie threw an arm around her shoulder. "I've missed you," he said cheerfully.

"Wish I could say the same for you, buddy," Tonks said, trying to hide her smile.

Charlie drew back his arm and faced her. "What?"

"Kidding!" Tonks smiled and ruffled his hair. "I missed you more than anything!"

He made a face and ran his hand through his hair. "Don't mess up my hair, twerp."

"_You're _the twerp."

"_I'm _the twerp?"

"Yes."

"You're the one who fancies - "

"I do not!"

"You do soooooo. I got the news from a _reliable person._"

"My _cousin _is _not _reliable. And anyway you fancied Matilda Rasrass back in third year."

"I did NOT!"

"Up until seventh year!"

"Shut up."

"_You _shut up!"

"_He got off, he got off, he got off!"_

"_Quiet, _you three!"

"I knew they wouldn't convict you, they couldn't - "

"_He got off, he got off, he got off!"_

"SHUT UP!"

"Oh, Harry, this is so wonderful - "

"I can't believe it, I knew all along but I just - oh, I'm so happy - "

"Congratulations, mate!"

Sirius quietly slipped out of the room with a frown on his face.

Only Remus noticed Sirius quietly slithering out of the crowd.

He joined the festivities for a few more minutes, and then decided he'd better go to him.

"Sirius?" he called, making his way through the winding house. "Where are you?"

"Up here," came a muffled voice from the top story.

Remus climbed the enormous staircase, a strange sense of foreboding surrounding him. He had a pretty good idea of what to expect, but not the faintest clue of what he should do. Sirius was hardly ever surly - or, really, serious at all - but when he was...well, James was usually the one to deal with it, back when they were in school. Of course, when they'd lived together at the beginning of the summer, Sirius would have his flashbacks of Azkaban, and nightmares and other such terrors, but that was different. He could deal with that. This, he couldn't.

Sirius was gazing at the stars with a dreamy expression on his face.

"Hey, Sirius," Remus said quietly, sitting down next to him.

Sirius didn't say anything.

"You…you okay?" he asked.

Sirius shrugged. "I dunno. I mean, I thought if Harry…" He broke off and stared out the window.

"Could come and stay with you," finished Remus.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yeah but it's not just... I thought...I thought I might be able to do James wanted me to do; protect his son."

Remus let that sit in the air for a while, before saying, "You _are_protecting Harry, maybe not directly, but when he needs you, you're there for him."

"You don't understand," Sirius turned away from Remus. "I don't protect anyone. I was supposed to protect my brother, and then looked what happened there! I need to protect Harry, but it seems like he just keeps getting into danger. Danger that I just can't bloody get him out of! What good _am _I? I'm supposed to be his godfather!"

Remus looked at his friend. "Sirius, mate, do you know how much you have risked your life to protect Harry? Hell, you might even die to protect him - you _would _die to protect him."

Sirius snorted. "I can't keep him safe from _anything,_" he growled. "Dammit, Remus, I can't watch him while he's in Hogwarts, I won't know if he's dead or dying or what the hell is happening to him! Molly's right - she's just -right. I'm not - I can't. I just - I don't. ARGH!"

To express how utterly furious he was at the general state of being in the world, Sirius demonstratively kicked the wall.

Red face, panting, Sirius turned back to Remus. And Remus looked at him with an amused expression on his face despite the situation.

"Well," he said. "Didn't that feel good?"

Sirius groaned but nodded and sat back down. "I just can't do anything, Remus!"

"Mate, we are in the middle of two wars, there's always something you can do." Remus said.

Sirius looked up. "Just because we're in the middle of two wars doesn't mean I have all the freedom, did you forget that I am wanted for killing thirteen people?"

Remus chuckled. "Y'know," he said casually, "maybe we should do something about that hair."

Sirius's hand flew to his head. "Argh! I forgot!" he cried. And, all thoughts of sadness nearly forgotten, he turned around and ran out the door, shouting, "WEASSSSLEYS! YOU CHANGE MY HAIR BACK THIS INSTANT!"

Remus chuckled, amused. "He really needs to sort out his priorities..."

"Just apply some every week, and your hair will be silky-smooth black once more. After a month, it'll stay black without the dye," Fred said smearing the dye onto Sirius' hair.

"And it better stay like that, too. Or I will be convicted of something else." Sirius muttered darkly.

George froze at the sink, and Fred's hands paused.

"It won't happen again," the twins promised.

"Good."

At that moment Remus and Charlie appeared in the door frame. "Hullo, chaps," Charlie greeted. "Hows that hair comin' along?"

"Splendidly," Fred said sardonically.

"I was just telling Charlie about the prank war so far," Remus said. "And he seems rather proud of you Fred and George."

"Well we're not proud of him," George said jutting his chin towards the traitorous Weasley.

"Hey," Charlie put his hands up in the air. "It would be biased to choose you guys. Plus, you guys don't need me, between you two and Ginny and Ron, you'll guys think of something."

"Did you ever hear 'more the merrier?'" Fred countered.

Charlie shrugged. "You'll guys get more at Hogwarts, calm down." Fred snorted. "Besides, I do like your pranks. Very...original."

"You ought know," said George, amused, "since you and Bill were our pranking templates when we were little..."

"Not them as much as Percy, I'd think," said Sirius before realizing what he was saying. He clamped his mouth shut.

A silence locked onto them.

"Sorry," said Sirius immediately.

"'Sfine," muttered Charlie.

Fred had an unreadable expression on his face, as did George.

There was a terribly awkward silence.

"He's a prat," said Fred plainly. "That's pretty much all there is to it. Can we just...yeah. Pranks."

"Pranks," agreed George.

"We're gonna own you guys," said Remus with certainty, rubbing his hands together. "We have _Charlie, _we have _Tonks.._"

"No!" Fred and George said in unison. "We're gonna own you."

"I know ALL your tricks," said Charlie grandly. "So actually, we're going to own you."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yuh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

Sirius smiled, rubbing the dye carefully into his hair, and thought, _Remus is right. There'll always be something for me to be doing._

Suddenly, Tonks walked in.

"Oh HELLO," said Remus backing into George who glared at the back of Remus' head.

"Potato sacks?" asked Tonks. "No! That was not what I was supposed to say," she added hastily.

Sirius laughed and looked evilly at Fred and George, who in turn looked evilly at Charlie, who in turn looked evilly at Tonks.

He grinned. This prank war was just beginning.

**A/N: For Bittersweet x:Hey all! Well..one to go. Hope you guys didnt mind the angst in this...it was my idea, for the record, because I am far too obsessed with stories where Sirius is sad. Tis rather worrying..anyway, I dedicate this to potterride's lunchbox who is evil and wants to kill me. That's all, lovelies! Do review **

**From Potterride: I'll make this short. This was a very angsty chapter. And the next chappie is that last :(. Si si, horrible. Anyways, stick around for the part two of this thing Bittersweet and I do with our time. Review, kind people!**


	15. Epilogue

The next few days, a flurry of owls made their way across London and back.

To whom it may concern,  
A prank war has struck out across the country. Please write Fred and Greorge and/or Sirius and Remus for more information.  
-The Prank War Staff  
(That one went to nearly everyone in Hogwarts, somehow. Oh, the wonders of a parody indeed.)

* * *

Dear Miss Lovegood,  
Would you like to be on the points committee of the pranking war? We would be honored.  
-Dobby and Kreacher

* * *

Dear Ramonks33,  
Order enclosed.  
-Sirius

* * *

To my lord,  
Plan in session.  
-L.M

* * *

Dear X.,  
I will meet you at the broom cupboard we decided on.  
-Y.

Dear Y.,  
Agreed.  
-X.

* * *

Dear uh, Remus,  
I have your brownies :)  
-Tokns - I mean Tonks

Dear Tonks,  
Thank you!  
-Rmesu - I mean Remus

Dear Remus and Tonks,  
STOP SENDING EACH OTHER LETTERS IN THE SAME HOUSE.  
-Sirius

* * *

Dear U.O,  
I will join you.  
-Dean Thomas

Dear NOD,  
We will join you.  
-Parvati and Padma Patel

Dear U.O,  
I'm with you, mates.  
-Seamus

* * *

Dear Madam Umbridge,  
Your position is secured.  
-Minister Fudge

* * *

The following letter was folded many times. Written across the top was,

Don't read this on unless you're Angelina,

The first fold, when undone, read.

I mean it, Ginny or Mum, or Ron..OR GEORGE!

The second, when undone, read:

Seriously. Go away.

The third, when undone, read:

ARGH! GET OUT!

The fourth, when undone, read:

Stop reading or I will literally kill you with fire.

The fifth, when undone, read:

Who invented pesky siblings, anyways? Thomas Edison?

The sixth, when unfolded, read:

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! GET THE HELL OUT! AND, YES I DID JUST PUT THREE EXCLAMATION POINTS.

The seventh was vastly less vindictive.

Hi Angelina!

When unfolded completely, the letter went:

Dear Angelina,

Hello! Did you hear about the prank war? I'm in charge of the one teams. Do you want to join? Also-do-you-want-to-go-to-hogsmeade-with-me? 

-Fred

* * *

The next letter was addressed to Parvati Patel.

Dear Parvarti,

How was your summer? Mine was great. Hear about that prank war? We ought be on the same side. :)

-Seamus

PS: Did you know I have a TIGER?

* * *

Dear Sir,

I heard about the prank war.

Shall we ally?

-Mister

Dear Mister

I did.

We shall.

-Sir

THE END

For Now.

Stay tuned!  
"The War that Continues to End all Wars" is coming to a profile near you soon!  
Thanks for reading!


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